


Callum's Sexuality Crisis (TM)

by whatthedubbs



Category: The Dragon Prince (Cartoon)
Genre: Callum and Rayla find an EarthBlood elf who talks to plants, Callum is having a sexuality crisis, Callum thinks he might be able to unlock the Confusion Arcanum, F/M, M/M, Most elves are at least a little bit poly, Multi, Polyamory, Post Season 3 Shenanigans, Sharing a Bed, Soren v. Elven Trouser Sorcery, The Frank and Embarrassing Reality of Teenage Boys, and don't understand what's so hard for Callum to understand about this, and is a cinnamon roll, teenage hormones are the real antagonist in this story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:01:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 21,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21698929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatthedubbs/pseuds/whatthedubbs
Summary: Callum and Rayla make a friend.  A very nice, very pretty Earthblood Elf friend.  With a very nice smile.  And really pretty horns.  Who gives pep-talks to plants by the side of the road.Callum might be in trouble.--This might be slightly Crack.
Relationships: Callum/Rayla (The Dragon Prince), Callum/Rayla/Original Male Character, Marcos/Soren (The Dragon Prince), Runaan/Tinker | Necklace Elf (The Dragon Prince)
Comments: 93
Kudos: 132





	1. Part 1: Prince Callum v. The Cinnamon Roll

**Author's Note:**

> This is purely self-indulgent. And also a narrative mess, because it started out as something in the comments of another work (it gets better). 
> 
> (Probably).
> 
> We know basically nothing about Earthblood elves at this point, so basically everything about them here is stuff I've made up. Our Cinnamon Roll is referred to as EB!guy for most of the first chapter, although I'm open to other names. I've been thinking of Arabic names for the Earthblood elves, but I'm not wedded to it.

During Callum and Rayla's continuing journey through Xadia they pick up an Earthblood elf as a third traveling companion and Callum has a bit of a crisis because suddenly there are TWO(!) very attractive elves sitting around the campfire with him and making the flirty eyes and apparently Rayla DOESN'T FIND THIS WEIRD AT ALL even though they're dating and wow, Earthblood Elf guy (His name is Junayd) has REALLY NICE EYES and talks to plants and always has flowers blooming in his hair that smell REALLY NICE OKAY.

But Rayla's still SUPER AWESOME and really brave and makes him feel like he can do anything and shines in the moonlight and just generally kicks ass and he REALLY LIKES KISSING HER. 

And maybe he's noticed that Junayd looks a little sad and lonely whenever he sees her kissing him; and maybe he feels bad about it because Junayd's so nice, why isn't someone taking care of this guy?

(Rayla is facepalming and calling him a dingus internally because sure humans aren't as poly as elves are, but someone should have explained it to her (cute) idiot boyfriend at some point, right? Like, she and Junayd are cool. They've talked about it. Is this what it was like for Ezran watching his brother figure it out with her? She might owe him some jelly tarts in the future because this is EXCRUCIATING).

AND THEN:

Disaster. They're staying at an inn, and the innkeeper takes one look at Rayla and the two besotted-looking boys behind her and gives them a room that only has one bed in it. And they're right at the edge of the desert so it's REALLY STUPIDLY HOT, and Callum was looking forward to being able to strip down to his underwear but nope. Fully dressed it is. And in the middle because he's convinced that Junayd is pining after Rayla whenever he gets that sad/lonely look on his face, and he remembers how much it hurt to sleep next to her and KNOW so he's going to take one for the team and roast to death between two elven furnaces. Elven furnaces who are stRIPPING WHAT THE HECK PUT THOSE ABS AWAY.

And so here's Callum and his sexuality crisis lying in a bed between two very attractive and mostly naked elves who are using him as their personal teddy bear and making VERY DISTRACTING happy-asleep noises. 

What is his life?

And Junayd is like, the purest cinnamon roll. Like, the three of them are crossing scrubland near a desert and they catch him giving pep-talks to all the desert-y plants when he thinks no one's looking and complimenting all the cacti on the sharpness of their spines and asking the sage bushes if they mind if he takes a few leaves. And Callum and Rayla look at each other and go 'no harm must come to this child.'

ANYWAY

Junayd has now officially broken Callum’s poor human brain and he can’t stop thinking about how nice his arms (he has really nice arms) felt slug over his waist and his breath on the back of his neck. WITH PERFECT CLARITY because having an eidetic memory is apparently a curse.

BUT ALSO RAYLA who is just awesome and whenever he closes his eyes he can see her smirking at him on the inside of his eyelids. Which she was doing this morning because APPARENTLY she likes watching Junayd put his hands all over her boyfriend while he’s sleeping. He wishes Soren was here so he could ask him if this is something girls just like?

Junayd is maybe a little mortified even though Rayla said it was okay if he cuddled her boyfriend (sometimes the two of them cuddle when Callum is bothering other primal mages about magic). And now Callum is avoiding him? Does Callum not like him? Should he back off? What if- OH! GUYS JUST A MINUTE LOOK AT THESE ALOE PLANTS! CAN WE HAVE SOME OF YOUR LEAVES PLEASE? MY FRIENDS ARE SO PALE, I DON’T WANT THEM TO GET BURNED IN THE SUN. Look, Callum’s already starting to turn red and we’ve only been out here for an hour or so. 

(Callum is indeed, turning red on the tips of his ears and across the bridge of his nose; but for entirely unrelated reasons. Reasons that have nothing to do with Junayd baby talking the desert flora and petting its leaves like one would pet a cat).

“REALLY? Thank you so much!” Junayd very carefully breaks off a leaf (and of course he’s gonna take that extra few seconds to seal up the plant veins that he broke so this Good!plant doesn’t loose any more of it’s precious water) and asks if Callum knows how to use it (he doesn’t) and then proceeds to VERY CAREFULLY paint aloe sap where Callum’s skin’s turned red. Except the sunburn is SPREADING BEFORE HIS VERY EYES OH NO! Junayd panics and starts trying to slather the poor human in the stuff because sunburns are the WORST and last time he got one on his face he was miserable for WEEKS!

And Callum is about to expire on the spot because he CAN’T STOP BLUSHING and this cute Earthblood elf is touching his FACE with his really gentle hands and this stuff that feels REALLY NICE on his skin and Ralya is just standing there and NOT HELPING AT ALL while trying to pretend she’s not laughing. So HE’S the one who has to explain that it’s definitely not sunburn on his face and Junayd looks at him for a minute and just goes: “Oh.” And then HE starts blushing and WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO HIM ALL HE WANTED TO DO WAS END THE WAR AND GO ON A COOL MAGICAL TRIP WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND.

AND SO:

They keep traveling.

Rayla keeps putting Callum in the middle of the elf sandwich whenever they have to share a room at an Inn (And why are they staying at so many of them all of a sudden)? Which is awesome because, like, Callum gets to sleep with her all pressed against his front; and her sleepy kisses are adorable. BUT ALSO TERRIBLE because Junayd keeps on being confusing with his everything and apparently likes to push his face into the space between Callum’s shoulder blades while he’s asleep.

(Across Xadia there is a trail of confused innkeepers wondering what spell these three are using to clean the sheets after they spend the night in the same bed. Because LOOK AT THEM! They’re obviously together).

* * *

HEADCANON TEIM!

Earthblood elves hold the belief that the Earth REALLY LIKES HAVING CRITTERS CRAWL AROUND ON HER, and is happy when her critters make more critters because it means they’re happy and healthy. And so our three clueless teenagers (well, Rayla’s not really clueless) keep getting told that they have the Earth’s blessing/are making her happy. 

And whenever this happens Junayd tries VERY HARD to act inconspicuous. 

(But he’s a cinnamon roll, so he’s terrible at it).

* * *

ANYWAY X2

Eventually they end up in Junayd's home town; and his parents are Cinnamon Rolls just like him who take one look at him and GET IT. And so while Callum drags Rayla out on a date (because he needs something to NOT BE CONFUSING for a few hours) Junayd's mom and dad sit down with their son and rub his back soothingly while he explains the whole thing and gushes about how amazing and brave this Moonshadow girl is and how kind and thoughtful this human (HUMAN!) prince is; and how THEY’RE the ones who helped the Dragon Prince escape from the bad dark mage and brought him back to his mom so they could end the war.

Junayd's parents share significant looks because their good boy is in love with a pair of APPARENTLY OBLIVIOUS folk heroes. Or half-oblivious, since apparently the Moonshadow girl is in the know. 

They’re gonna do something about it.

Junayd knows that look. NO GUYS! WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING?!? WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’RE SENDING THE SPARE MATTRESS OUT TO BE RE-STUFFED?!?

Meanwhile Callum is having a good time with Rayla and DEFINITELY ISN’T THINKING ABOUT HOW THE HAND SHE ISN’T HOLDING IS COOLER THAN HE’S GOTTEN USED TO BECAUSE JUNAYD CAN’T BE TRUSTED NOT TO RUN OFF TO TALK TO EVERY SLIGHTLY INTERESTING PLANT UNLESS SOMEBODY IS PHYSICALLY HOLDING HIS HAND. Nope. Definitely not thinking that. And he’s definitely not buying a second book to put his plant sketches in so Junayd can use it to take notes. That is also Definitely Not Happening. 

Rayla just smiles at him and gives him a kiss and holds his hand and makes agreeing noises even though she obviously doesn’t believe him. Callum is relieved that her kisses are just as mind-bamboozling as ever. Is less relieved when she drags him into a tailor’s shop to make him try on pants that are WAY TOO TIGHT and are DEFINITELY NOT FOR HIKING LONG DISTANCES. Why are you looking at me like that? What are you do- EEP! 

Apparently elf-pants make girlfriends want to crowd you into the nearest convenient shadow and kiss the bejesus out of you?

Callum leaves the store confused and slightly mortified and with two new pairs of pants and a shirt that is WAY TOO LOOSE but also apparently imbued with arcane girlfriend-attracting enchantments?

Is there a confusion arcanum? Is Callum about to become the first mage in history to tap into the power of raw bewilderment? He vows to put the confusing garments in the bottom of his bag and forget about them until he figures out this sorcery. 

Junayd, in the meantime, has escaped from his scheming parents to seek shelter in the garden because at least plants don’t conspire to make him share a bed with two people he likes but who probably don’t feel the same way (Callum)/are part of a package deal (Rayla).

The squash are very sympathetic. It’s nice. Callum and Rayla come back from their date to find him getting a vine-y hug. Both elves are confused by Callum’s reaction to this (Callum is going to hate Soren FOREVER for putting those ideas in his head. Stupid teenager-brain).

(Junayd spends this entire exchange petting the half-ripe squash on the vine because he’s a cinnamon roll).

* * *

IMPORTANT QUESTION:

Do EB elves with a connection to plants need to eat regular food, or can they photosynthesize? I imagine there are different sub-species of EB elves; rock, plant, and animal. Ezran’s abilities are tied to the Earth Arcanum, and more specifically to animals; EB!guy and his parents to plants, and people who haven’t been introduced yet are tied to stones/dirt. Plant&animal EB elves probably get along better with each other than they do with rock elves; although I imagine plant elves have better relations with them. I also imagine that plant and animal EB elves are kinda pacifist hippies, while the rock-aligned elves are sorta like earthbenders (strong, unyielding, traditional, etc).

* * *

This slow burn is 100% Soren’s fault. Harrow was way too awkward around Callum to ever really give him the TALK, and all Aunt Amaya had to say was ‘ask first and use lube.’ Soren’s ramblings on the ways of women/girls were 99% of Callum’s knowledge base until Rayla came along. And Soren is a terrible source material.

SO

Evening rolls around and Callum is faced with yet another night as the filling in a elf sandwich because the mattress in the spare room is APPARENTLY being repaired (and why did Junayd get that look on his face when his mom said that)? So here he is, resolutely not looking at the amount of skin on display because this bed is SMALL and any reactions he might have to said skin will be VERY OBVIOUS. Rayla is giggling at him, he knows it. He vows to wear the Elf Pants the next time they visit her parents and see how SHE likes it.

(Runaan looks like someone is forcing him to eat a lemon whole when he sees his precious daughter eying the prince’s rear with INTENT on their next visit. Rayla feels no shame because how many times have Runaan and Ethari (or her own birth parents) done the same thing with her in the room?)

So he’s squished between two very pretty elves once again; which would be fine, he’s been getting used to it; but this bed is MUCH SMALLER than the ones at most of the inns they’ve stayed at, and it has high sides so everyone’s rolling into the middle but he manages to fall asleep eventually anyway…

AND THEN

Disaster no. 2 strikes: he has a VERY NICE DREAM. Featuring lots of kisses and possibly other things. Which would be fine; except it’s not JUST Rayla he’s kissing, but also Junayd, and there are SO MANY HANDS AND LEGS and the noises Junayd's making in his ear are INTENSELY CONFUSING-

And then he wakes up and realizes with horror that he’s grinding against Junayd’s INCREDIBLY INCONVENIENTLY positioned leg. And that he’s completely trapped by two elf-topuses who are blissfully asleep and unaware of his problem and MUST REMAIN SO. Except those are JUNAYD’S LIPS AGAINST THE SIDE OF HIS NECK, and his girlfriend is apparently NIBBLING ON THE CURVE OF HIS EAR in her sleep and his hands are 500% trapped and unavailable for hiding his stupid blushing face in while he combusts.

Meanwhile, Junayd is ALSO having a VERY NICE DREAM(tm) that involves lots of kissing a certain elf and her human companion. And a very small amount of clothing. And some very interesting human noises. And some decidedly non-standard uses for a particular scarf…

Callum is pretty sure he’s close to unlocking the sun arcanum with how hot his face is getting as Junayd starts GRINDING IN HIS SLEEP; and Rayla is starting to get a bit AGGRESSIVE with her TEETH and it’s driving him INSANE. And then the UNTHINKABLE HAPPENS.

HE MAKES A NOISE.

ABORT!

OPERATION PRETEND TO BE ASLEEP: ACTIVATE!

Rayla stops biting his ear. Junayd just keeps going; blissfully asleep and dreaming.

Rayla takes one look at her boys and nearly explodes trying not to laugh and coo at the same time because Junayd has got her boyfriend 100% trapped in a very INTERESTING position. Her very obviously awake-but-pretending-he’s-not boyfriend. Who is very red in the face. And in the ear (and now it makes sense to her that she’s woken up with the taste of soap in her mouth, which is the one downside of the current situation).

He’s so tense though; he really needs to relax a bit if he’s gonna get back to sleep. Rayla knows just the thing.

Callum does his very best to pretend he doesn’t jump slightly when Rayla slides her fingers into his hair and starts giving him head scritchies. He is also slightly mortified and confused, because he’s definitely cuddling up with someone who ISN’T HER and it’s probably REALLY OBVIOUS how his body feels about that. Maybe he can use the power of the confusion arcanum to make the bed bigger somehow?

Except it’s suddenly hard to worry about stuff because the head-scritchies feel REALLY NICE and Ezran is a TRAITOR for telling his girlfriend about them and suddenly he’s falling asleep again because… because head-scritchies. Damn it.

He dreams of being in the middle of the elf sandwich again. It’s nice.

The next morning, however, is MORTIFYING. Because his girlfriend is leaning over him and smiling her ‘i love you’ smile, and he returns it without even thinking about it because he loves her too…

And then Junayd makes a happy sound somewhere behind him and Callum becomes aware that his body is VERY INTERESTED in the way Junayd’s leg is pressing up between his own…

* * *

Option 1

And FLEES.

Junayd is unceremoniously jolted awake by said princely fleeing and makes sad faces at Rayla because he TOLD mom and dad this was a bad idea and now Callum is going to be so uncomfortable around him, and maybe Junayd should just stay here when the two of them move on…

(Rayla is mentally kicking Callum, and probably Soren, for being too dense to figure this out).

Callum is making very expedient use of the marvelous Xadian invention known as cold showers. He also curses his teenage hormones vigorously. It’s fine. Ezran isn’t here to hear his bad language.

(Junayd hears him swearing in the shower and goes BRIGHT RED because while he is an elf and therefor has different hormones they are still VILLAINOUS AND TEENAGED AND ACTIVELY HATE HIM. He’s going to go sit with the squash again. The squash are neutral parties in this affair).

A very awkward breakfast ensues. Junayd's mom and dad are guilty of gratuitous eyebrow-waggling.

AND THEN THERE WAS A TIME SKIP BECAUSE THE REST OF THEIR VISIT WAS JUST AS AWKWARD, ALTHOUGH CALLUM AND JUNAYD AT LEAST AGREED THAT THERE SHOULD BE A PILLOW BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM BECAUSE THAT WAS JUST A LITTLE TOO REAL.

* * *

Option 2

OR, ALTERNATIVELY…

Before Callum can flee the bedroom Rayla attacks with hair-scritchies once more (curse his beautiful and devious girlfriend!), and he is powerless to escape. Unless he accidentally forges a connection to the sun arcanum by blushing too hard and sets himself on fire.

And then his beautiful and devious girlfriend proceeds to open her mouth and break his brain by telling him it’s okay if he’s attracted to Junayd. Which, well… He understands how someone might THINK that’s what’s going on, given the reaction of his traitorous teenager-body; but Rayla’s his girlfriend so that’s totally not what’s happening.

Of course, Junayd is making happy-asleep noises and spooning him, which admittedly makes convincing her a little more difficult, but it’s definitely the truth. Junayd is nice, but Callum isn’t going to break up with Rayla just because he gives good hugs and has nice eyes and is really cute when he talks to plants; and look, he can’t be expected to mount a perfect defense first thing in the morning, because…

Oh. Those are girlfriend-lips. Kissing him. Oh. He knows how to do this. 

And while he’s distracted by that, he doesn’t notice Junayd half-waking-up and pressing a kiss to the nape of his neck until the third or fourth time it happens; at which point his eyes BUG OUT and he nearly bites Rayla’s tongue trying to sit up and figure out what’s happening. Which doesn’t work because he’s still ensnared by the elf-topus. 

And then. Oh, and then his girlfriend proceeds to break his brain AGAIN because APPARENTLY Junayd wants to date BOTH OF THEM?!? And this is apparently NOT A BIG DEAL AT ALL for elves? And people have been assuming they were already together FOR WEEKS? Including EB!guy’s parents?

At this point Junayd feels obligated to explain that his parents know they’re not dating, but WANT them to be; and apparently engineered this entire too-small bed situation. Which is, well…

Mortifying.

But also kind of nice?

And also possibly the key to the confusion arcanum; because Callum hasn’t really ever thought of boys that way before, and you’d think spending so much time around shirts-are-optional-for-training Soren would have clued him in.

Although Ralya raises a fair point. This is Soren they’re talking about.

Soren isn’t an adorable cinnamon roll currently squeezing him around the middle while he talks to his girlfriend.

Does Callum think he might be interested in kissing said cinnamon roll? He’s not sure yet. 


	2. Magical Elf-Pants and the Consequences of Wearing Same

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callum's downward spiral continues. Queen Rayla the First deals with a watery insurrection. Junayd looses his mind over trees.

Their second night in Junayd’s house is considerably less awkward, if only because he’s AWARE that Junayd is… interested. 

It’s also a lot more comfortable because Rayla’s convinced him that he doesn’t have to wrap himself up in three layers to keep his reaction to her, well…everything from being awkward. 

(Callum doesn’t have to hide his reaction because the other person in the bed is as interested in THAT as he is in the person he’s having it FOR).

He’s still panicking a little though because there is SO MUCH SKIN AND MUSCLE PRESSED UP AGAINST HIS BACK and that arm is WAY more distracting against his bare skin than it was over his shirt. Not quite as distracting as Rayla pressing up against his other side though. Wait. What are they doing? WHY THIS?

The elf-topus strikes again. There are no survivors. 

EIGHT HOURS OF VERY RESTFUL SLEEP IN WHICH ABSOLUTELY NO TEENAGE-HORMONE-DRIVEN DREAMS ARE DREAMED BY ANYONE LATER…

Rayla wakes him up with kisses on his face, which is just THE BEST because he loves her so much and it makes his insides do all kinds of happy dances whenever she does things that show she loves him too. 

* * *

WEIRD FACT:

Elves don’t have morning breath. Or any need to look after their oral hygiene. One of the perks of being a being made of magic. Of course, this also means that there aren’t any spells to get RID of morning breath (they don’t need them), so poor Callum still has to haul himself out of bed and brush his teeth before he gets any mouth-kisses. His life is made of suffering.

* * *

NOTE ON PATHING/GEOGRAPHY:

From the storm spire, Rayla and Callum have traveled southeast to avoid having to cross an ocean inlet running from north to south; then northeast along the coast of said inlet to spend some time with the Skywing elves that live in the mountains that lie along the coast (a few months, so Callum has enough time to get the runes for his wings tattooed (semi-permanently because magic) on his arms). They picked up Junayd in a city just east of the mountain range (he was taking a trip to learn more spells for trees, because there aren’t anywhere near as many where he’s from, and they happened to be staying at the same hostel for young travelers. They’re going the same direction (east by south-east); Junayd heading back to his village and Rayla and Callum to visit Ethari’s parents (who live near the south-eastern tip of the same lake Junayd’s village is on).

It’s quickly decided that traveling with Junayd is pretty nice, and they ask him if he wants to keep traveling with them and maybe teach Callum about the Earth Arcanum. By this point our cinnamon roll is already suffering from stomach-butterflies whenever he looks at either of them, so of COURSE he says yes.

* * *

ANYWAY

He’s sort of…sprawled on top of Junayd with his head tucked under the elf’s chin and his arms around his wist and his girlfriend kissing his face and it’s very nice and also kind of embarrassing because… because REASONS. Junayd’s breaths keep on ruffling his hair and it’s WEIRD-NICE. He would lie here longer and possibly contemplate the weird-niceness, but they were planning to be on the road early this morning. 

Junayd’s parents are all kinds of eyebrow-wiggly at him during their parting hugs, and he stubbornly ignores the sound of Rayla smothering her giggling behind him. Callum must be doing something silly. She’s definitely not laughing about his over-helpful parents. Not at all.

AND SO THEY LEAVE THE EARTHBLOOD VILLAGE OF CONFUSION AND CRAZY PARENTS AND MAGICAL ELF-PANTS BEHIND AND VENTURE SOUTH TOWARD MOONSHADOW TERRITORY. 

Callum is once again designated Junayd’s elf-leash to make sure he doesn’t stop to talk to ALL THE PLANTS. Junayd is maybe very conflicted about this, because LOOK AT THAT SAND-VERBENA BLOOMING IT’S DOING SUCH A GOOD JOB PLEASE CAN WE STOP FOR FIVE MINUTES; but also AAAAAAH HE’S HOLDING MY HAND!!!

Poor Callum is suddenly realizing how much he’s been holding this guy’s hand, and how it’s SUDDENLY MAKING HIM FEEL TINGLY MAKE IT STOP. WHY DIDN’T SOREN WARN HIM THAT IT WOULD BE LIKE THIS?

(His inner Rayla reminds him that Soren is an idiot)

Oh.

And now that he’s aware that Junayd like-likes him he’s suddenly noticing all the FLIRTING?

(unintentional flirting. Which Callum did not realize was a THING until now)

“You’re a really good listener.”

“I bet he thinks you’re an awesome big brother.”

“I bet you look really nice wearing a flower crown.”

“The plants like your smile.”

“Did you know your eyes light up when you do magic? They’re really pretty.”

(THE AUTHOR APOLOGIZES FOR HOW LAME THESE ARE. FEEL FREE TO IMAGINE BETTER-QUALITY FLIRTATION).

Callum has already had to endure two very concerned applications of sunscreen because he can’t stop BLUSHING.

Rayla’s splitting her time between scouting ahead and holding Callum’s OTHER hand and smiling her ‘I love you but I’m also teasing you’ smile. The fact that she keeps bringing Junayd seedpods to gush over has not escaped Callum’s notice.

(Both of them have accidentally picked up Junayd’s habit of thanking plants when they pick leaves or berries. Both of them are pretending it’s totally intentional).

By evening they’ve reached the river that marks the edge of the desert-y area and the start of the eastern Moonshadow groves; and the first thing that Rayla does when they stop on the banks and shed their packs is push both her sweaty boys in the direction of the river and throw the soap after them.

(Callum asks if SHE’S going to wash up too, so she sticks her tongue out at him and points out that SHE can use magic for that once the moon rises).

Besides, she’s got shirtless boys to look at. She’s FAR too busy right now.

AND SO BEGINS THE WASHING OF BOYS, AS COMMANDED BY QUEEN RAYLA THE ALL-POWERFUL, FIRST OF HER NAME.

Callum does not know how he feels about this.

Junayd shrugs and pulls off his shirt…

CALLUM IS DEFINITELY STARING. ABORT! LOOK AWAY NOW!

…and kicks off his boots and socks…

BREACH OF HETEROSOCIAL BATHING ETIQUETTE IMMINENT!

…and unlaces the ties holding up his pants…

URK!

…and pulls them off…

FACIAL OVERHEATING AT 6000%

Rayla chucks a pebble at him because her boyfriend really needs to get a move on instead of staring like an idiot. Is this Soren’s fault again?

IMPACT DETECTED. REBOOTING IN 3…2…1…

Callum blinks at the river where Junayd is already halfway done scrubbing himself; and squeezes his eyes shut so he doesn’t see all that warm brown wet skin while he’s stripping out of his travel clothes.

(And why did Junayd need a bath anyway? He didn’t smell bad…)

* * *

AUTHOR’S NOTE:

There’s a pheromone in male sweat that triggers an arousal reaction from the reproductive system. It’s actually part of how scientists have determined that there are neurological differences between straight people and queer people. Read more here (<https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biology_and_sexual_orientation>).

* * *

The water is annoyingly clear, and decidedly unhelpful in preserving his modesty. He turns around to glare at his devious girlfriend. She smiles beatifically, and mimes scrubbing herself.

Junayd offers to wash his back. Because of COURSE he does. 

Callum is suddenly reminded that he should probably have spent some time thinking about whether he actually wants to date this guy as well as his girlfriend sometime in the past twelve hours; but in his defense, Junayd’s hand-holding was VERY DETRIMENTAL to his normal thought processes. And there’s no time for contemplation right now because he’s supposed to answer a question, right? 

His traitor brain says ‘SURE.’

Okay, but what did he actually agree to? He’s got an eidetic memory, but sounds are not images-

THERE ARE HANDS ON HIS BACK THIS IS NOT A DRILL THERE ARE BIG HANDS BELONGING TO AN ELF HE HAS UNCERTAIN BUT VERY TEENAGE FEELINGS ABOUT ON HIS BACK AND THERE IS SOAP ON THEM AND HE’S PRETTY SURE HE’S OVERHEARD SOREN HAVING DREAMS ABOUT THINGS LIKE THIS ON CAMPING TRIPS EXCEPT WITH WAY MORE TERRIBLE ONE-LINERS.

At least they’re nice hands?

Is he supposed to offer to return the favor? Junayd has a lot of hair, (like, more than Runaan). Is he supposed to offer to help wash it?

Why are boys so much more confusing than girls?

Meanwhile, Junayd is being VERY CAREFUL because this human is still figuring things out and he doesn’t want to push. But at the same time he’s FREAKING OUT because the boy he likes keeps LEANING INTO HIS HANDS like he’s enjoying having his back scrubbed, which Junayd guesses might be the case, BUT STILL.

Callum ends up not having to figure out whether he’s supposed to wash Junayd’s hair because before they get that far Rayla makes a wise crack about how SOMEONE in this relationship ought to like getting wet every once in a while (or something like that), and he and Junayd look at each other for a moment and form a mental accord.

Queen Rayla shrieks in outrage as her traitorous subjects rise up from the river and SQUISH HER BETWEEN THEIR HORRIBLE WET BODIES WITH HUGS.

* * *

MEANWHILE

Back in Katolis, Ezran opens one of Callum’s letters and immediately facepalms because his idiot older brother has managed to find ANOTHER ELF to pine after him like a lovesick puppy. 

(This letter pre-dates the first bed-sharing incident by a good week. It’s mostly explaining stuff Callum has learned about the Earth Arcanum, but it’s the SKETCH he sent with it that gave it away. Because this poor boy looks absolutely besotted.

King Ezran summons Soren to the throne room. No one else can be to blame for his brother’s cluelessness about relationships. 

Soren denies all responsibility. Ezran notices the lovesick look on a particular crownguard’s face and pats himself on the back for being right. He resolves to have a word with poor Marcos later. Right now, he’s got an idiot brother to write to. And a bigger bed to arrange for his brother’s chambers…

Ezran dismisses Soren and retires to his office (he’s a 11/12 year old with an official office from which he runs a kingdom). 

* * *

NOTE ON THE STATE OF THE PENTARCHY:

In the wake of Viren’s shenanigans he’s not even the youngest king in the pentarchy anymore. Neolandia is the only kingdom with a ruler older than 15 anymore, thanks to Viren. Top-notch planning there; replace all the competent and experienced rulers with children. No way that could possibly come back to bite you in the ass.

(King Ahling is very chill, and gets to be an honorary member of the child ruler club; even if his son was a massive dick who sided with obviously-evil-userper Viren).

Anyway, the very young rulers of the pentarchy keep in touch via magic (fancy magic mirrors that let them essentially conference-call); largely because trusting their various regents to sort things out ended in a giant garbage fire. Adults, in their experience, are NOT TO BE TRUSTED with matters of state because they’re not willing to be frank. This is not a problem any of these child-rulers (or King Ahling) have. Giving the rulers of the pentarchy the ability to communicate instantaneously is possibly the biggest political coup the Dragon Queen has ever pulled off.

* * *

ANYWAY:

Within five minutes all the rulers of the Pentarchy are aware that Prince Callum is Once Again Being A Butt, and Completely Oblivious. Everyone agrees upon seeing the sketch of Junayd’s lovesick face. King Ahling, being the oldest and having read most of the even semi-accurate books on elves that exist in the human kingdoms, explains a bit about elven relationships (In my head he’s kinda like a non-scheming Uncle Iroh from Avatar) (Queen Aanaya already knows all this stuff because she had THREE parents). Points out that Prince Callum is thus far proving to be an EXCELLENT unofficial ambassador to Xadia, and urges Ezran to consider making him his OFFICIAL ambassador.

The new King of Evenere (Aasa) feels a bit put out because he’s always thought Prince Callum was kind of handsome and very nice; and they’re around the same age…Oh well.

King Ahling makes a mental note to introduce his sister-in-law’s son to the visibly-put-out Aasa.

Queen Aanaya promises to ask her dad for advice (he’s considered the only trustworthy regent in the Pentarchy, as a formal royal consort).

Queen Glorae of Del Bar doesn’t have much to say on the matter (she’s the youngest of them, at nine years old), but she DOES think that this boy Prince Callum wrote about sounds very nice.

King Ezran has a letter to write. It ends up being rather short, and with lots of exclamation points.

* * *

ALSO MEANWHILE, IN SILVERGROVE:

Ethari reads Rayla’s latest letter and laughs to himself.

“Runaan, my heart! Rayla sent a letter!”

He shakes his head. “Oh that poor boy…”

Runan skids into the kitchen and looses his balance on the slick floor. Ethari chuckles and just hands him the letter to read while he’s lying there on the floor.

A few moments pass.

“That poor boy.”

* * *

BACK IN NORTH-EASTERN XADIA:

Callum is forced to wear the magical elf-pants and elf-shirt. Because they’re leaving the lands of the nice pacifistic Earthblood elves and traveling into Moonshadow territory; and even though the war is over there are still PLENTY of Moonshadow elves who are very angry at humans.

Callum is unconvinced that this isn’t just payback for getting water on her last night.

Junayd is just a poor boy in love who doesn’t know what he’s done to deserve this TORTURE. Because all those months of walking and learning to fly have given our string bean prince some TONE, and the prosthetic ears and horns are making his heart DO THINGS. 

Rayla manages to restrain herself from jumping his bones immediately because she’s STILL MAD ABOUT THE WATERY REBELLION.

(Callum begins to wish he’d let Rayla talk him into the probably-enchanted Elf-Underwear back in that store, because his human underwear keeps riding up).

Ethari’s mother’s village is supposedly only two days walk from Junayd’s, but it ends up taking four because they keep having to stop so Junayd can lose his mind over the crazy new plants that grow in the woods. Because our cinnamon roll might be having a heart attack over how handsome Callum looks in his disguise; but that’s not enough to distract him from the GIANT TREES GUYS LOOK HOW TALL YOU’VE GROWN I BET YOU HAVE GREAT STORIES.

His enthusiasm is MAKING CALLUM’S HEART DO FUNNY THINGS. And watching him hug the smaller trees (the ones his arms actually fit around) and whisper encouraging words about how sure he is they’ll grow big and strong someday is making him think about how NICE HIS HUGS FEEL. He kind of wants one now.

And it must be showing on his face somehow because the next thing he knows, HE’S getting a hug and being lifted off his feet while Junayd ruffles his hair and tells him not to be jealous of the trees for being tall; he’s just the right height the way he is (which is a whole foot shorter than this Earthblood GIANT, but whatever).

* * *

NOTE ON HEIGHTS:

Poor Callum is destined to be the short one. He’s 5’6” at fifteen, capping out at 5’8” ultimately. Rayla’s already 5’ 7 1/2” and is going to grow to be 6’2”, and Junayd is just a giant already at 6’6”, growing to a towering 7’1” (minus horns, which fortunately for him don’t add much height) by the time he’s eighteen. Even Ezran grows to be taller eventually, at six feet even.

* * *

Rayla spends most of their trip alternating between scouting ahead and sitting atop Junayd’s shoulders and pointing out different species of trees and what they’re used for. And conspiring with Junayd to keep their tiny human in the middle of their elf sandwich at night.

Callum has, by this point, stopped trying to escape the nightly attack of the elf-topus. He accepts his fate with all the grace and aplomb that befits his station. And a face that’s as red as a tomato.

SO:

They arrive at Rayla’s nan’s village (Her nan’s name is Imra. Thanks to the person who commented on the first chapter with the name-generator). Which is, of course, completely invisible the way all Moonshadow villages are invisible. Fortunately, she knows the dance to get in (and Junayd gets the steps from the trees because he’s friendly that way). So they end up both having to teach Callum how to do it, which the (invisible) watching Moonshadow elves find distinctly hilarious because Callum can be a CLUMSY BUTT.

And after much comical flailing and LOTS OF BLUSHING they manage the key ritual and are greeted by a round of applause from what looks like the entire population of the village.

BLUSHING _**INTENSIFIES.**_

They get rescued by Nan Imra before Callum spontaneously combusts from embarrassment.

Except it’s actually a trap.

Because as soon he got Rayla’s letter Ethari wrote one to HIS mother explaining everything.

She’s been WAITING for them.

Oh, and LOOK AT THESE HANDSOME BOYS TRAVELING WITH MY GRANDDAUGHTER! Are you keeping them safe little Rayla? Are you three tired? I’ve made up Ethari’s old bed for you; I’m sorry if it’s a bit small! *Big wink at her exasperated granddaughter*

Nan Imra has been waiting for YEARS for Runaan and Ethari to bring home someone else for her to dote on and tell embarrassing childhood stories to; and she will NOT BE DENIED.

At least the bed they’re sharing here was bought for Ethari AFTER he got married.

Of course, Junayd is so excited to be staying in an actual tree village that he disappears almost immediately to go exploring; which means there’s time for a joint bf/gf nap. A WITHOUT ELF-PANTS nap, because elf-pants are not comfortable for napping. Except Rayla looks really pretty when she laughs at Callum’s struggles to remove said elf-pants; so now they’re having elf-pants-less make-out time instead of nap time. And somewhere in there Callum’s elf-shirt ALSO goes missing; not that he’s paying that much attention to where it’s gone because girlfriend-kisses. And also girlfriend-hands messing up his hair and trailing down his back and SQUEEZING HIS BUTT…

AND DISTINCTLY NOT-GIRLFRIEND-LY-THROAT-CLEARING FROM THE DOOR TO THE HALL THAT BOTH OF THEM FORGOT TO CLOSE!

Poor Junayd just wanted to take a quick look around before joining their nap. Junayd was NOT expecting to come back to his very attractive friends necking in their underwear. Junayd REALLY WISHES he hadn’t already taken his shirt off in the hallway. JUNAYD REALLY REALLY WISHES HE HADN’T DROPPED SAID SHIRT IN SURPRISE SO HE COULD USE IT TO COVER UP HOW VERY INTERESTED HIS BODY IS IN THE TABLEAU IN FRONT OF HIM.

…Across most of the continent, Soren suddenly gets a chill down his spine, as if something is about to happen that he will DEFINITELY be blamed for…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this universe, before Harrow's assassination he was in negotiations with the Queen of Evenere about arranging a marriage between Callum and Prince (let me check my notes...Aasa). Poor Aasa thought he was really cute and nice and was LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING TO KNOW HIM BETTER; and Prince Callum was clueless because King Harrow was too awkward to explain why Aasa kept visiting all the time.
> 
> Ezran now keeps a box of 'I'm sorry the captain of the kingsguard is so oblivious' chocolates secreted away in one of the compartments built into the throne to give to all the poor guards/advisors/members of the general public that Soren unintentionally flirts with on a daily basis.
> 
> Callum's disaster-bi-ness is a favorite conversational topic among the numerous (4/5) child-rulers of the pentarchy.


	3. Big Feelings Time and an Inconvenient Messenger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Feelings are discussed and teenage boys continue to be awkward. An messenger is late with his message but not with his disruption of everyone's day.

Callum is very glad that his reaction to being caught is currently obscured from view by his girlfriend. He is LESS glad that because of this, his girlfriend is VERY AWARE of said reaction, and is currently leering at him and wiggling her eyebrows in a disturbingly Ethari-esque manner. 

And Junayd is DEFINITELY staring at them and BLUSHING so hard Callum is maybe worried he might pass out or something.

So of course his girlfriend asks if he wants to JOIN THEM.

(Which, like, Callum acknowledges he’s maybe okay with on principle; because he’s now had four days to contemplate the idea. And he thinks it could be really nice; because cuddling with him is nice and he’s maybe getting to like being in the middle of their elf-wich, and he DOES have a really nice smile).

Callum will not admit to having sketches of Junayd carrying Ezran on his shoulders in his sketchbook. Why would you accuse him of such a thing?

In the moment, however, he’s panicking because it’s one thing to acknowledge that you’re okay with dating the pretty guy who likes both you and your girlfriend. It’s ANOTHER thing to have said guy climb into bed with you when you’re both sporting very visible evidence of your interest in each other.

Fortunately, Junayd seems to be on the same page he is, because he stammers out something about maybe joining them later and flees (without his shirt). 

Rayla looks a little put out, though; and he’s suddenly reminded that Rayla’s already made up her mind on Junayd, and is just waiting for him to figure himself out. She loves both of them already; has TALKED to Junayd about how they feel about each other.

Is his uncertainty hurting her?

She laughs and calls him ‘sweet prince’ and kisses him when he asks (and gets out of his lap because Big Feelings Time requires SPACE so you can think about how you feel about things).

BIG FEELINGS TIME ACTIVATE:

Rayla:

The short answer is that yes, it does hurt to wait for him to figure this out sometimes. She DOES want a relationship with Junayd; just as much as she did (and still does) want her relationship with Callum. She’s absolutely not going to break up with him to date Junayd if Callum decides it’s not something that he wants; but it feels like it’s SO CLOSE to working out sometimes. It keeps getting her hopes up.

Callum:

Is still getting used to the idea of their TWO becoming THREE; and also maybe adjusting to the idea of thinking about boys that way at all. He’s TRIED kissing boys before, but it’s never made him feel all fluttery in his stomach the way THINKING about kissing Junayd does…

(Of course, the only boy he’s ever tried kissing is Soren, when he was a few years younger, which…kinda explains everything, when Rayla thinks about it. No wonder his kisses were so WEIRD when they first got together).

And he’s been THINKING about it a lot since the possibility was brought to his attention. About the way so many little things about this guy make him feel the same way he feels when he thinks about Rayla; and about what it might be like to introduce him to his little brother.

He’s tried to imagine how it would feel to see him kiss Rayla and has discovered that it doesn’t bother him. Mainly because every time he DOES imagine it they’re kissing over his shoulder while he’s playing the filling in their elf-wich…

At this point he has to break off that train of thought because the mental image is VERY DISTRACTING.

ANYWAY; he thinks he might be ready to give things a soft try now. He’s just…not ready for things to jump that far ahead all at once. Is that okay?

‘Duh, silly prince. Go talk to our boy when yer’ ready.”

MEANWHILE:

Junayd (shirtless and red as a tomato even with his dark skin) runs into Nan Imra while fleeing the bedroom and gets shanghaied into helping her weed her flower beds or something like that (a task he’d have volunteered for anyway).

Nan Imra is, I imagine, rather like Nanny Ogg from Discworld; irreverent and loud and easygoing; but also a bit terrifying when it comes to her son and her granddaughter. And Runaan; who she has unofficially adopted because anyone who makes her Ethari light up like that is too good to be referred to as her son-in-law. She’s already heard LOTS about this Callum boy that her daughter’s involved with (oh, and what a STORY that is! Like something out of the romantic novels Tyla’s mother used to write). She supposes she approves; for now. 

THIS boy, however; she’s only known about for a few days (and only MET a few hours ago). So she proceeds to give him the third degree while he’s tending her garden. 

(Normally she would NEVER put a guest to work like this, but the way he kept glancing out the window at the beds and twitching his fingers told her that he needed something to do with his hands).

‘Are you SURE you’re ready to stand by my granddaughter when people give her grief about kissin’ that prince of hers?’

‘You have a trade you’re learning that’ll keep a roof over their heads?’

‘What d’ya like most about my granddaughter? What caught your eye, hmm?’

(ONCE AGAIN, THE AUTHOR WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE FOR HIS TERRIBLE OVER-INVOLVED-GRANDMOTHER VOICE).

Of course, Nan Imra can already see that this child is a Cinnamon Roll of the highest caliber (even more so than Runaan). The way he sighs after her granddaughter and the human boy is PAINFULLY familiar (her second husband was the same way over her and Luvon all those years ago). It’s obvious that things aren’t quite figured out yet; but they’re CLOSE.

JUNAYD WOULD JUST LIKE TO HANG OUT WITH THESE LOVELY FLOWERS IN PEACE AND MAYBE HAVE HIS SHIRT BACK. AND ALSO FOR CALLUM AND RAYLA TO LIKE HIM BACK. OR AT LEAST COME RESCUE HIM FROM THIS INTERROGATION SO HE CAN NAP.

Fortunately for Junayd, it only takes about five more minutes before Callum pokes his head out the window and asks if he wants to join them for ACTUAL napping this time (both of them stubbornly ignoring Nan Imra’s grinning). Junayd LEAPS at the chance to make his escape; even thought the pansies were in the middle of telling him about the rainstorm that blew through last week.

He’s a little surprised (and cautiously hopeful) when BOTH Rayla and Callum reach out to pull him down on the bed with them. Normally Callum will kinda go along with whatever Rayla starts. This is nice though. For once HE’S the filling in their sandwich while they apologize for not thinking about he he might feel earlier. They know this has to be hard for him and they don’t want to make it worse; oh, and by the way does he think he might be willing to let them give things a soft try?

His brain breaks a little at that last bit because he DEFINITELY DID NOT HEAR THAT CORRECTLY. CALLUM IS DEFINITELY NOT SAYING THAT HE THINKS HE MIGHT BE OPEN TO KISSING BOYS AND SPECIFICALLY JUNAYD. 

Except Callum is LOOKING AT HIM EXPECTANTLY, like he’s being TOTALLY SERIOUS and HOLY SHIT what if he IS serious?

Because if he is then Junayd is 60,000% on board with giving things a soft try, whatever that means. He should probably say so. Except his vocal cords appear to have vanished, so he’ll have to settle for VIGOROUS NODDING instead.

And they’re both smiling at him so he must have given the right answer. And then there are KISSES being pressed to both his cheeks and fingers interweaving with his own and soft laughter at the surprised noise he makes when they press close along his sides.

(Junayd prays to the earth-mother that this isn’t a dream he’s going to wake up from in a few minutes).

Nope. Apparently what’s ACTUALLY going to happen is that he’s gonna have a very pretty Moonshadow assassin and a handsome human prince fall asleep on him.

(He suddenly has MUCH MORE RESPECT for Callum’s mental fortitude, because how did he SURVIVE this for so long? Junayd feels like he’s about to EXPLODE because it’s so WARM AND COZY AND SAFE being in the middle). 

He would stay awake and enjoy it more; but the bed’s really comfy and he IS kinda tired and maybe a bit emotionally exhausted because the last week has been INTENSE FEELINGS ALL THE TIME. Joint bf/bf/gf nap time sounds REALLY TEMPTING right now.

* * *

MEANWHILE, IN SILVERGROVE:

Ethari looks up from his forge at the still-quivering moon-arrow embedded in the block of cork wood fixed behind the counter.

“Runaan, could you get that for me? My hands are a bit full at the moment.”

He turns his attention back to the crucible of molten silver over the flames and the ring-shaped moulds he’s preparing on the anvil while his husband retrieves his mother’s latest message. 

“She says he reminds her of Vaeril. And that he has nice shoulders.”

Ethari laughs because his mother has always had a THING for quiet boys with nice shoulders. He may or may not have inherited it from her. 

* * *

ALSO MEANWHILE:

King Ezran’s reply to Callum’s letter is dispatched to the Dragon Queen via his magic mirror (the war may have been over for months now, but the border between Xadia and the Pentarchy is still a giant lava pit; not exactly an easy route for your average postman). From her it goes to Ibis, who enchants it to prevent others from reading it; and then to the royal messengers, who do the actual delivering. 

(Callum’s letters take MUCH longer to arrive because his sketches can’t be passed through the mirror. His letters DO travel by normal post as far as the Storm Spire, and from there are delivered to Kotalis via the diplomatic bag (or suitable universe-appropriate equivalent).

The actual contents of the letter boil down to something along the lines of:

> ‘OMG I love you but you are such an oblivious butt! Please put that poor boy out of his misery and kiss him already! Don’t be like Soren! 
> 
> P.S. Also please come visit soon so I can make you an ambassador. King Ahling says I should probably make it official.
> 
> P.P.S. You’re not allowed to get elf-married without inviting me.
> 
> Don’t be a Butt!
> 
> — (King) Ezran’

* * *

BACK IN NAN IMRA’S HOUSE:

Everybody naps for FAR too long (their poor sleep-schedules) and wakes up kinda bamboozled and loopy. Eventually Rayla manages to pry both of her boys out of bed (even though they looked REALLY CUTE squeezing their eyes shut and pretending to sleep on each other) to help make dinner; even if Callum is quickly relegated to DRAWING them making dinner because he can’t be trusted around cooking implements.

(Junayd kisses his finger and wraps it up gently when Callum slices it open thirty seconds into his first onion; and Callum is rendered pretty much useless for the rest of the preparations because he’s blushing SO HARD he keeps getting light-headed).

Nan Imra keeps shooting Rayla KNOWING looks the entire time and is willfully ignored.

(Nan Imra is not deterred in the slightest. Dinner is a glorious train wreck of poorly-evaded questions and flustered teenagers. She hasn’t felt this alive in YEARS).

Bedtime under these new rules of engagement is a strange and surreal experience for Callum because it’s basically EXACTLY THE SAME AS IT WAS BEFORE. Except 500% less awkward because he doesn’t have to worry about silly things like whether he’s supposed to enjoy being Junayd’s little spoon. Or if it’s be rude to kiss his girlfriend while he’s cuddling with someone else.

Rayla is kinda wired because Moonshadow elves are naturally nocturnal (although they do fine on a diurnal cycle as long as they get enough moonlight), and her sleep schedule is well and truly screwed right now. Her plans for the evening boil down to ‘wait for boyfriends to fall asleep’ and ‘climb a tree and enjoy recharging in the moonlight.’ 

Junayd just presses a sleepy kiss to the back of Callum’s neck and passes the fuck out immediately, because he’s one of those stupidly-lucky people who can just go to sleep whenever he wants.

Meanwhile, Nan Imra is busily writing out an account of the whole evening to send to her son.

* * *

THE NEXT MORNING

Our poor teenage boys once again fall victim to the crippling awkwardness that arises (HA) from sleeping basically on top of each other. Except before they can extricate themselves Rayla flops on top of them, complaining about her busybody Nan and accidentally causing some COMPLETELY UNINTENTIONAL grinding and a great deal of teenage spluttering and flailing.

Rayla is just rolling her eyes, because BOYS. They’re cute, but SO AWKWARD. She kisses them anyway because it’s not ENTIRELY their fault.

After breakfast (and much more Nan-scrutiny) Rayla drags her boys to the market so they can pick up supplies for the journey south (they’re headed to Silvergrove and ultimately to Katolis; hopefully in time for Ezran’s birthday). She entrusts Junayd with the care of their human boyfriend (and maybe thinking of Callum as ‘their’ boyfriend makes her feel fluttery and nice inside for REASONS), and instructions to go find him some actual elf-underthings so he’ll stop complaining about how UNCOMFORTABLE his bits are while they’re walking. SHE’s in charge of food and gear. Callum is in charge of NOT GIVING HIMSELF AWAY AS A HUMAN.

(Callum does not always do well at this).

ESPECIALLY when he’s interrupted in the mortifying process of buying WAY TOO SMALL AND TIGHT-FITTING UNDERWEAR by LITERAL MESSENGERS FROM THE SKY.

(Rayla facepalms, because what else did she expect to happen)?

“Prince Callum of Katolis? I bring a message from your brother, King Ezran of Katolis.”

People around him stop what they’re doing to STARE AT HIM and the Skywing messenger wearing the colors of the Dragon Guard. His prosthetic ears and horns suddenly feel WOEFULLY INADEQUATE. The messenger, completely oblivious to the trouble he’s causing, holds out a letter with the Queen’s claw-mark across the wax seal. 

“Uh, thanks!” He reaches for it with the hand that’s still holding the blasted elf-underwear. Because his life is SUFFERING. 

Once he’s managed to take the damn thing (and rid himself of the offending article of clothing) he pulls the letter he’d been PLANNING to post today out of his bag. “Uh, I have a letter to send back. Can I give it to you?”

The guy BOWS because Callum just needed to be more obviously special. Behind him he can hear Junayd whispering to the elf running the clothing stall (he seriously hopes he’s settling up, because once this guy leaves they’re going to SPLIT).

“I would be happy to convey your highness' message to his majesty’s embassy at the Storm Spire,” he replies; all courtly and proper and TOTALLY OUT OF PLACE in a backwater village marketplace. “If that is all?”

“That’s it. Thanks!” The messenger YEETS out of there like the professional he is; and Callum is left standing in the middle of a circle of silently staring Moonshadow elves who are now aware that he’s a human in disguise.

And then Rayla’s bursting out of the crowd with packages of food under both arms and shouting about how she can’t take her eyes off him for ONE MINUTE without him getting kidnapped or connecting to the Sky Arcanum or jumping off the Storm Spire…

(Imagine her usual accent amplified by a factor of thirty for her whole rant).

And the villagers are now EVEN MORE CONFUSED because surely this girl has to be making these things up?

And then Rayla turns to Junayd and asks him if he’s finished with his shopping (he nods automatically because he’s ALSO a little alarmed by how quickly everything’s gone tits-up).

She rounds on Callum again and GLARES (because WHY is her boyfriend still standing here and not flying away like he was SUPPOSED to while she directed the crowd’s attention elsewhere), and makes a shooing motion with her hands that has him leaping upwards on a burst of air and fleeing with his wing-arms.

Of course, these are MOONSHADOW elves, so this diversion only distracts about half the crowd. The other half continues to stare. Rayla chooses to ignore them and drags Junayd off in the direction their boyfriend has swooped off in. She is going to have WORDS with Ibis next time she sees him about making sure the people relaying Ezran’s letters have a bit more SENSE.

Callum, meanwhile, flees back to Nan Imra’s house with the guard hot on his heels (They’re not sure exactly WHO they’re chasing, because humans can’t use magic like that, but they DID cause one hell of a disturbance). And so Callum finds himself hiding under the bed while Imra berates the guards for talking nonsense when they ask her if she’s seen any flying humans recently.

(While this is happening Rayla and Junayd are sneaking around the back and grabbing their packs (and tiny human) to make their escape).

They make it a few miles away from the village before Callum remembers the letter that STARTED all this nonsense and pulls it out of his bag to read…

And facepalms.

* * *

At least the magical-elf-underwear don't ride up while he's walking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Callum. Just can't catch a break, can he?
> 
> IDK if we'll see more of Rayla's Nan. She was kinda fun, but a bit of a pain to write.
> 
> I want them to get all the way back to Silvergrove by the end of the next chapter, so it'll probably have far fewer detailed moments than this one. Which I'm happy about, because they're what take up most of the time I spend writing. 
> 
> BTW, I don't know if I've said this anywhere, but I'm VERY HAPPY for anyone who wants to take this skeleton and make it into a proper story to do so. And I'm definitely willing to be a proofreader if you don't already have one.


	4. A Great Deal of Walking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there is, indeed, a great deal of walking.

They keep moving, because the guard are probably still looking for the three of them (and have probably sent moon-arrows with messages to other nearby villages). 

In hindsight it’s a good thing that Callum gave his letter to the messenger rather than wait for a post office. It might be a while before they get to a town where it’s safe for him to post it. Not that Rayla knows the key-dance to any of the groves they pass by, anyway.

They make camp in a giant hollow tree trunk the first night. Without a campfire; because they’re trying to be inconspicuous (‘but isn’t it ALSO suspicious if someone stumbles upon us camping WITHOUT a fire?’)(‘Shut it, sassy prince.’)

FORTUNATELY it’s chilly enough that Callum doesn’t have to find out if the significant-other-attracting enchantments on elf-underwear are more or less powerful then the enchantments on elf-pants. He’s kind of worried that they might be (the look Rayla gave him when she SAW them was CONCERNING. And nobody was even WEARING THEM then).

In any case, he’s too tired to think too much about it right now; so he crawls into the middle of the elf-sandwich and falls asleep.

* * *

Their original plan was to head southwest after they rounded the end of the lake, and thus avoid having to cross or skirt the edge of the inland sea; but since Callum’s now KNOWN to be traveling in the Moonshadow lands they decide it’s PROBABLY a good idea to not take the route that prolongs their stay as much as possible.

Instead they head due south and make for the Skywing areas along the coast. Callum’s already pretty well known among the skywings (word spread fast that there was a HUMAN who had connected to their arcanum, and that said human had RESCUED THE DRAGON PRINCE AZYMONDIAS FROM THE DARK MAGES OF THE PENTARCHY. And that he’s traveling under the protection of the Queen (a fact that is certainly NOT as well known among the Moonshadow elves).

* * *

Notes:

See map [HERE](https://i.redd.it/gqrdbwbrsde31.png). I know the major landmarks aren’t in the right places; but I’m using it as my guide to who lives where. There are plenty of other maps out there that list things like the storm spire and the desert in the correct locations. Nan Imra’s village is near the small lake that has earth blood elves to the northeast, and moonshadow elves to the southwest.

The REAL reason the messenger was acting like he couldn’t see all the people staring at him while he blew Callum’s cover was that HE COULDN’T SEE THEM. Skywing messengers use magic to locate the intended recipients; magic that would allow the messenger to SEE the recipient even through strong illusions like the ones that hide moonshadow groves. But that’s the ONLY thing they’ll see. As far as messenger guy knew, Callum was kinda just chilling in the forest. Whoops.

* * *

It takes them four more days of solid hiking (during which Junayd pouts a lot because LOOK AT ALL THE TREES I DON’T HAVE TIME TO TALK TO) to make it out of the moonshadow groves and into the foothills of the low mountain range that skirts the eastern coast of Xadia down to the eastern mouth of the inland sea. FORTUNATELY without accidentally stumbling into any of the actual groves themselves (Junayd’s abilities with plants are REALLY coming in handy, because illusions don’t work on trees).

Rayla makes them stop at the first village they come to and send a message to the Storm Spire (basically a heads-up that they MIGHT have caused a bit of a manhunt in the eastern moonshadow groves; whoops sorry).

Junayd is not particularly looking forward to hiking in the mountains because so much of them is just ROCK with nothing but lichens and mosses growing on them (neither of which are much for conversation). Callum and Rayla silently agree to stick to the foothills, because Sad!Junayd is something neither of them are emotionally prepared for. It’s a sub-clause of their ‘no harm must come to this child’ pact.

The bed they get at the inn is actually huge (skywings do have those, you know, WINGS after all), but they still end up squished together in the middle of it. Callum’s theories about elf-underwear are EXTREMELY VALIDATED. HE HAS THE GIRLFRIEND-HICKIES TO PROVE IT.

(Callum internally vows to inflict this confusing magic upon Soren when he gets back to Katolis. As payback for his TOTALLY INADEQUATE explanations of the intricacies of relationships. Ezran will know who to buy them for to cause Soren MAXIMUM CONFUSION. He’ll send him a note in the morning).

* * *

MEANWHILE, AT A PORT IN THE KINGDOM OF EVENERE:

King Aasa waits on the quay to meet the new delegation from Neolandia. King Ahling’s been shaking up his diplomatic corps to make sure that his ambassadors to the other kingdoms are the sort of people he can trust not to take advantage of these kids (or offend their sensibilities); and so he’s sending his sister-in-law as temporary ambassador while he vets candidates.

The sister-in-law who HAPPENS to have a son Aasa’s age named Ari, who at the age of fifteen is already an accomplished painter…

* * *

The foothills of Xadia’s eastern coastal range are low and covered in long, hardy grasses. The kind that feel like RAZORS ON YOUR SKIN IF YOU BRUSH AGAINST THEM UN-PROTECTED. 

Fortunately, our trio are protected by their elf-pants, and therefor pass largely unscathed. Unfortunately, because they are hiking across Skywing territory, there’s little or nothing by way of actual PATHS or ROADS between villages, so most of their time is spent slogging over broken terrain on slopes or soggy meadows in the saddles between them. 

Everyone’s shoes are wet, and nobody is happy about it. 

At least the villages themselves (when they stay in them) are colorful and welcoming. And postal service is FAST. It only takes a week for Callum to get a note back from Ezran (nothing but a slightly confused-looking smily face and a list of measurements. Elf-clothing is dutifully acquired for Operation Bamboozle Soren.

Callum spends a lot of time flying because THE THERMALS GUYS! THEY’RE REALLY GOOD HERE! Rayla and Junayd indulge him because WING HUGS. 

CALLUM GIVES JUNAYD ONE OF HIS FEATHERS TO PUT IN HIS HAIR, AND OUR POOR CINNAMON ROLL NEARLY HAS A HEART ATTACK BECAUSE _**REASONS.**_

(Of course, it disappears when Callum dismisses his wings; but STILL).

They’re still dancing around each other a bit. Cheek-kisses and cuddling and hair-feathers/flower crowns are as far as they’ve gone. Rayla finds their weird boy-courtship to be FABULOUSLY endearing, even if the SHEER ANTI-SPEED of it drives her NUTS sometimes. She wants to shout NOW KISS at them every time the two of them get that Soft Look (tm) in their eyes; but she’s a proud Moonshadow Assassin. Boys being cute will not break her.

(Probably).

* * *

_REPORT ON THE DISTURBANCE IN THE NORTHEASTERN MOONSHADOW GROVES_

> _Your Majesty,_
> 
> _It seems the human Prince Callum and his companions were traveling incognito through the area on their way back to Katolis when his human identity was revealed accidentally in front of at least a hundred witnesses._
> 
> _(The messenger responsible has been temporarily suspended from duty pending your Majesty’s judgement on the matter)._
> 
> _The town guard was promptly summoned; though they were not able to locate or apprehend his highness. Once the guard had ascertained that the prince was no longer within the grove, however, they spread word of the supposed ‘infiltrator’ to the surrounding groves, from which rumors spread quickly throughout the region._
> 
> _Prince Callum himself is now reported to be traveling through the Skywing lands along the eastern coast, where his identity is well known. For the moment, I suggest your Majesty’s attention should focus on allaying the concerns of the groves while his highness passes through safer territory._
> 
> _Yours respectfully,_
> 
> _Commander Elyon, Intelligence._

* * *

By the end of their second week crossing the foothills Callum is wondering if there are magical elf-boots anywhere that will make his feet hurt less. Or elf-socks?

Although judging by the grumbling from the others he guesses that’s sadly not the case.

They finally stop to take a day’s rest at a village that overlooks the sloping drop to the rich plains that surround the inland sea. The view is breathtaking from the bench beside the inn where they sit soaking their poor feet in buckets of warm water. Junayd’s fallen asleep with his head leaning on top of Callum’s and Rayla’s propped her feet up on the rim of her bucket (because not even aching feet are enough to get her in that water).

He’s got his sketchbook spread open across his lap with a half-finished drawing of the view in front of them taking shape under his hands and it’s kind of perfect. For once he wishes there were someone around to draw HIM, because he imagines the three of them must be quite the sight.

Actually…

Next time the innkeeper comes around to check on them Callum asks if he has a decent-sized mirror he’d be willing to hold in front of them for a few minutes. A drawing to send to his brother, he explains; and gets a smile in response. 

It turns out that there’s a SPELL for that. Ice mirrors. Why didn’t HE think of that?

Rayla laughs at him as he quickly copies the rune into the corner of his landscape before turning to a fresh page and beginning to outline the shape of THEM. 

The mirror doesn’t hang around long in the heat of the late summer afternoon, but that’s okay. By the time the mirror starts to warp he’s gotten far enough that he doesn’t need it anymore.

His feet are feeling a lot better, too.

He finishes the drawing after dinner, Junayd’s chin hooked over his shoulder and arms around his waist as he shades and blends the fine details of their faces and clothing. Rayla’s doing her nightly exercises outside under the light of the almost-full moon, so it’s just the two of them; and a month ago it would have been WEIRD but tonight it’s just NICE. Every once in a while his boyfriend(!) will turn his head to the side and press warm lips to the line of his jaw and make a happy-contented sort of noise deep in his chest that Callum can feel through his back.

The fatigue he’s been feeling from their grueling pace has left him too tired to think about it too much when he crawls into the space between Rayla and Junayd every night. Too tired to notice when he’d started leaning into Junayd’s kisses the same way he does Rayla’s; when it stopped being weird to accept affection when Rayla wasn’t right there with him. He knows that SHE knows, and that’s enough. Junayd and Rayla kiss and rub horns when he’s not around and it’s still enough (although it DOES make him wish that he had ACTUAL horns because the rubbing looks like it feels nice).

He looks down at the image he’s created in his lap and smiles because they look happy. He’s sure Ezran will love it.

* * *

MEANWHILE, IN A SMALL VILLAGE IN THE NORTHEASTERN EARTHBLOOD LANDS:

Junayd’s mom (Rabi’a) and dad (Maruf) are surprised to receive a letter from SILVERGROVE of all places. A letter tied to a VERY STRANGE ARROW that appears out of nowhere and embeds itself in the front door.

> NOTE:
> 
> I’m using names of Sufi mystics/saints for Earthblood names.

Rabi’a yanks the thing out of the wood (and grumbles about stupid assassins putting holes in her front door) and tosses the attached note to her husband before going back to her breakfast.

(Food is IMPORTANT in their family. How ELSE to you think Junayd got so BIG?)

“It’s from Ralya’s fathers,” Maruf announces when he gets around to opening it.

“Oh?” And NOW Rabi’a’s interested; because this must be about her boy. Why else would Rayla’s parents be writing to them?

It turns out their boy might have a chance after all. Rabi’a may have done a small victory dance. Her husband may have found it incredibly endearing. Their son MAY have been spotted getting QUITE FAMILIAR with a certain Prince of Katolis and Moonshadow Assassin.

(Nan Imra’s letter might have SLIGHTLY exaggerated exactly HOW familiar poor Junayd was getting, but that’s for her to know and three teenagers to be mortified about later).

* * *

The hike down the final slopes of the eastern coastal range to the plains is just as tedious and potentially ankle-twisting as the rest of the foothills; but once they get down into the orchards and vineyards on the lowest slopes there are actually ROADS to walk on. They’re entering the Sunfire lands now; which are more up-to-date on current politics vis-a-vis humans, but were also much more involved in the actual fighting of the war.

Of course, Callum’s fancy disguise is probably sitting on a shelf in a guardhouse somewhere in the eastern Moonshadow groves, so they decide to just push on and let Rayla take point when they encounter people.

AND THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE WANDERING AROUND ON THE PLAINS BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT FARMS NEED? THAT’S RIGHT! PEOPLE!

At least people mean towns; because they are NOT looking to get in trouble for camping in someone’s fields. Thank goodness for Junayd, because without him they’d probably be in pretty SERIOUS financial trouble from spending so many nights at inns. As it is, he can normally get them a night for free by earth-magic-ing whatever the local farmers need earth-magic’d. 

* * *

NOTE:

Before the war, Earthblood elves often lived alongside Sunfire elves, especially in areas like the plains surrounding the inland sea. The benefit of having earth-mages (and especially earth mages attuned to plants) are obvious; but once the war got started most of the non-stone aligned Earthblood elves gradually drifted away to places in the north of Xadia. As mentioned earlier, their more pacifistic leanings made things uncomfortable between them and the Sunfire elves who were all gung-ho to go to war with the humans. 

* * *

Anyway, they discover very quickly that while roads are great for walking on (their feet are SO MUCH HAPPIER), they’re much more annoying to NAVIGATE on. They don’t have a map that shows where they go (and the can’t seem to find one to BUY), so they’re trying to skirt the Inland Sea and make their way almost due west so they hit the border mountains at the right place to get to Silvergrove and ultimately the Moonstone Path.

Callum gets LOTS OF PRACTICE RIDING THERMALS because it’s the only reliable way to figure out which roads to take. 

Everybody is, once again, INCREDIBLY GLAD that he has an eidetic memory. 

Of course, that means that Rayla is on Junayd-hand-holding-duty for the foreseeable future. Rayla was CONCEPTUALLY AWARE that Junayd needs something to distract him from gushing over every plant by the side of the road; but she was NOT prepared for how HEARTBREAKINGLY SAD his face gets whenever she has to tug him away.

Other things Rayla is not emotionally prepared for: The way Junayd just SIGHS like the apparently-lovestruck teenager he is when Callum sticks feathers in his hair before taking off to figure out where they’re going next.

It’s HOT out on the plains at the end of summer, and all of them end up shedding most of their layers in favor of sunblock cream. Rayla and Junayd play rock-paper-scissors behind Callum’s back to determine who gets to put their hands on their tiny human. Callum tolerates this because it’s funny and because sunburn is awful and he doesn’t want any, thank you.

(Both Rayla and Junayd have noticed how all the flying he’s been doing has maybe started to make Callum fill out a little more. They are perhaps guilty of encouraging this trend, even if it means they have to carry his stuff while he flies).

* * *

MEANWHILE, IN KATOLIS CASTLE…

Ezran receives Callum’s latest letter (which includes the drawing he made on their last day in the mountains). Ezran may or may not dismiss everyone from the room for five minutes so he can make undignified happy-excited noises into a cushion; because LOOK AT HIS BIG BROTHER! LOOK HOW HAPPY HE LOOKS WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND AND HIS BOYFRIEND.

He’s in the middle of holding court, so he doesn’t have time to go get his mirror, but you can bet that by lunchtime all the monarchs in the pentarchy will have seen that drawing. As it is, he’s particularly benevolent in his ruling for the rest of the morning because he’s in such a good mood.

He’s practically BOUNCING when he shuts himself in his office for his afternoon meeting with the other monarchs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was hoping to get them all the way to Silvergrove in this chapter, but alas it was not to be.


	5. Teenagers V. Gay Elf Dads: Dawn of Embarrassing Talks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a shorter chapter. Runaan and Ethari take Our Boys aside for a Talk. Ezran plots the downfall of Soren's chronic idiocy.

They spend three weeks navigating the patchwork of roads and fields that sprawl on the plains between the eastern mountains and the range that lines the border; spending their nights in small villages and the odd copse of young trees. Callum’s sketchbook pages are filled with drawings of the land from the sky; and Junayd’s is full of things the plants have told him/notes on their uses.

Rayla doesn’t have a sketchbook, but her brain is full of her boys’ shenanigans; ready to be brought up at a moments notice if only so she can watch them blush and stutter.

By the time they can make out the southwestern Moonshadow groves at the base of the distant mountains Callum has figured out how to use his wings to launch himself onto Junayd’s shoulders. The face Junayd makes the first time he succeeds is PRICELESS.

(Callum was possibly not prepared for how INTIMATE it would feel to have Junayd wrap his big hands around both his ankles to keep him steady on his perch. Or to lean his head into his THIGH HEY WOW YOUR HORNS ARE REALLY CLOSE TO PLACES THEY PROBABLY SHOULDN’T BE CLOSE TO MAYBE THIS WAS A BAD IDEA).

Rayla is definitely laughing at both of them.

ANYWAY;

By the time they start hitting the edge of the forest Callum thinks he’s MOSTLY prepared for their impending visit to his girlfriend’s parents.

Mostly.

He honestly has no idea how he’s supposed to address the fact that somewhere along the way she picked up ANOTHER boyfriend. Who is, admittedly, also HIS boyfriend(!) (when will that stop being new and crazy? Callum would say he’s ready for that point, but he’s actually kind of ENJOYING how new and crazy it feels to think it). 

Maybe this is one of those things that’s completely normal for elves and will require no comment from anyone? Talking with Runaan is super intimidating, no matter how much of a softie Rayla claims he is. Callum’s first experience of her dad was kind of TERRIFYING, okay? 

And seeing how easily Ethari handles him makes Ethari ARGUABLY EVEN MORE TERRIFYING.

At least getting to the forest means he gets to be back on elf-leash duty. He maybe missed getting to hold Junayd’s hand while he freaks out over the local flora. The stuff that grows in this forest is WAY weirder than the stuff that they found in the northeastern groves. Many trees are about to be hugged and validated.

The evening before they’re supposed to arrive in Silvergrove Junayd wanders out of the campsite for a few minutes and comes back with a BEAUTIFULLY MADE LONGBOW that he apparently SANG OUT OF THE LIVING WOOD OF A TREE, in one hand; and what looks like a bundle of handles for various tools in the other. Because APPARENTLY you’re supposed to bring a gift with you when you meet the parents of an elf you’re in a relationship with. SOMETHING THAT CALLUM WAS NOT AWARE HE WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE DONE OMG DO YOUR PARENTS HATE ME?

(Of course not! You brought Ethari back the daughter he thought he’d never see again, and freed Runaan from Viren’s coin-prison. Those are KIND OF AMAZING GIFTS, Callum). —Rayla

OH.

STILL.

He and Junayd put their heads together while Rayla grumbles about silly self-conscious boyfriends; and a half-hour later they come back with a sketch of Runaan relaxing with his head in Ethari’s lap, and another of Nan Imra laughing; both set into simple wooden frames.

(Callum wishes he’d bothered to make a copy of the last drawing he sent Ezran, but it’s a bit too late to start one now).

(Also, watching Junayd pull wooden things straight out of the bark of living trees without leaving any visible mark or blemish is just about the COOLEST THING EVER).

AND SO:

They arrive at Silvergrove the next day (Callum actually recognizes it when they get there; although it’s WEIRD to see it without any signs of habitation when his brain REMEMBERS exactly where every structure is). He even remembers the key-dance, which gets him proud girlfriend-kisses that are EVEN MORE FLUSTERING THAN USUAL because he’s aware that they’re STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE VILLAGE AND THERE ARE PROBABLY PEOPLE, INCLUDING HER DADS, WATCHING.

Indeed, when they complete the dance and the illusion lifts Runaan is standing RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM with a PARTICULARLY INSCRUTABLE expression on his face. Rayla laughs at his surprised noises. Poor Junayd is already being cornered by Ethari, Callum is KEENLY aware that it’s been two days since they found a stream big enough to properly wash in and he probably smells. And that he DIDN’T BRING A GIFT THE LAST TIME HE WAS HERE. RAYLA SAID IT WAS OKAY THAT HE DIDN’T BUT CALLUM IS VERY SURE THAT THAT IS NOT THE CASE.

SHIT. WERE THEY SUPPOSED TO BRING SOMETHING FOR RAYLA’S NAN AS WELL? 

Runaan is now being dragged away by Ethari to be introduced to Junayd. Callum might be hyperventilating a little bit. Rayla pats him on the back in a way that manages to be sympathetic and slightly mocking at the same time. Her ability to express multiple emotions with simple gestures is truly astounding.

‘Come on, scaredy-prince. Let’s go rescue our giant boyfriend from my dads.’

* * *

NOTE:

I’ve spent a fair bit of time debating how to represent Rayla’s accent in writing. While I’ve lived my whole life in the United States, I HAVE spent a fair bit of time in the northern UK, where people with the Scottish brogue are somewhat common; so I have SOME idea of how I might go about writing it. I eventually decided that it’d be too much trouble to parse (especially for non-native English speakers) if I wrote all her dialogue in her accent, so I compromised by using HINTS of it (words like Nan for grandmother and Da for dad, etc). 

* * *

LATER, AT RUNAAN AND ETHARI’S HOUSE

Junayd is an instant favorite because he’s just such a cinnamon roll. Runaan was all set up to play the intimidating dad, but he just couldn’t do it in the face of this kid’s hopeful-terrified expression. And Ethari didn’t last much longer.

And his gifts are LOVELY. The bow is PERFECTLY balanced for his hands once he’s got a string on it (trees do not provide bow-strings); and the tool-handles have his husband’s eyes already twitching toward the door of his workshop as if he can’t wait to try them out.

(In his head he also admits that Prince Callum’s sketches are ALSO excellent gifts; if technically unnecessary. Runaan appreciates the effort the young man is making to court his daughter PROPERLY).

He turns to the young man in question to say as much (because despite what most people think he IS happy with his daughter’s choices) when he witnesses something he had hoped to NEVER WITNESS.

His daughter. STARING. At the prince’s backside. Contemplatively.

The prince, at least, seems completely oblivious to her attention. Runaan wishes HE still was.

Ethari’s shoulders are shaking with suppressed laughter at Runaan’s pain. Betrayed by his own husband.

(Ethari is laughing because he RECOGNIZES that face. It’s the one Rayla used to make whenever she’d caught them aggressively flirting as a child).

He can’t help but be proud of her for going out into the world and finding these two kind-hearted boys to stand by her. They will, he thinks, be good for each other. Earth for prosperity, Sky for freedom, and Moon for truth. A good balance.

They let Callum and Junayd escape to the back garden to have their daughter to themselves for a while, and it’s comfortable. She’s grown up, but not apart; still at home in their company the way children do not always stay as they age and leave hearth and home to know the world.

She hasn’t returned to stay. WON’T return to stay. Will keep traveling between Earth and Sky much like the Moon does. 

A bittersweet thought, to be sure. 

* * *

Callum and Junayd share some Quality Boyfriend(!) Time while Rayla’s catching up with The Dads. This mostly consists of Junayd lying down in the grass by the flower beds so he can talk to them while Callum doodles him in his sketchbook. And then gets bored of doodling and decides to take a nap on said boyfriend(!). Elf-pants still suck for napping in, but he’s gonna do it anyway.

It’s been WEEKS since he decided he was going to give this a try. He’s pretty sure they’ve already moved past ‘giving it a try,’ even if they haven’t progressed to actual make-outs yet. Callum may have been putting it off because he’d have to stand on his tip-toes to do it and it’s EMBARASSING. Just IMAGINING it makes his face heat up; because he can HEAR Rayla giggling at the spectacle in his head. 

Junayd just figures he’ll be picking his boyfriend up. He’s got strong arms; he can do it. Ethari’s snapdragons think he can do it too. Thanks guys.

For the first time in MORE THAN TWO MONTHS they’re not all squished into the same bed. Because they might be together now, but they’re still under Rayla’s parents’ roof. And in their house boyfriends stay in the guest room.

(Enforcement of this rule may be Runaan’s payback for making him witness Rayla’s butt-ogling).

Baths are also taken. By ALL teenagers. Rayla is NOT AMUSED. Runaan is supposed to be tormenting her BOYFRIENDS not HER.

Sleeping without all the parts of their elf sandwich turns out to kinda suck. Callum has the dream about Rayla falling off the Storm Spire again; which results in Junayd biting his tongue HARD when Callum jolts awake and sits up so fast the top of his head collides with the bottom of Junayd’s chin.

Meanwhile Rally is hugging her pillow and ALSO failing at sleeping. She would just go join them, but knows from past experience that sneaking past Runaan, even when he’s sleeping, is basically impossible. She resolves to be grumpy at him in the morning.

Runaan and Ethari sleep the blissful sleep of people who have shared the same bed or twenty years and gotten used to each other’s dream-induced flailing (or in Ethari’s case, sleep-talking).

A NIGHT OF LESS-THAT-PERFECT SLEEP LATER…

Runaan and Ethari pat themselves on the back for forcing these kids to fight their codependency. Because if there’s a pair of dads in Xadia who’ve figured out how to be grossly in love without it being unhealthy, it’s these two.

The teenagers are less than appreciative. Kids these days…

(While Runaan is distracting the kids with Reason and Logic and the Realities of Good Relationships, Ethari is smuggling the box with the rings we saw him making in Chapter Four into the bottom of Callum’s bag; because he might not be an assassin, but he’s picked up a few things in the last twenty years).

LATER…

They’re getting ready to head out (because they’re on a SCHEDULE, DAMN IT), when Ethari pulls Junayd aside for a couple of minutes and proceeds to impart INCREDIBLY EMBARRASSING FACTS about relationships with people who have male bits. The implied experiences behind some of said information reveals WAY MORE ABOUT HIS GIRLFRIEND’S PARENTS’ SEX LIFE THAN HE EVER WANTED TO KNOW.

And while Callum and Rayla are waiting for him to come back, Runaan APPEARS FROM NOWHERE and drags Callum away as well; leaving his very exasperated daughter waiting by the front door with all their stuff until a very red-in-the-face Junayd stumbles out followed by her diabolically grinning dad. 

Meanwhile, Callum’s Soren-induced lack of knowledge is THROUGHLY DEMOLISHED. He doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to look Ethari in they eye ever again.

Mission accomplished, our Gay Elf Dads send our poor, mentally scarred teenagers off to finish their journey.

* * *

MEANWHILE, IN KATOLIS

Ezran’s plan to put a stop to Soren’s clueless flirtation with the entirety of his court is beginning to come together. His brother and his partners should reaching the moonstone path in the next few days; and he needs to send them an escort.

He knows JUST which of the crownguard to assign.

* * *

Marcos is waiting outside the Knight’s Baths for Soren to finish his way-too-long ablutions so they can go grab dinner before the evening changing of the guard when KING EZRAN appears at his elbow. And asks him if he wouldn’t mind going to meet his brother and his traveling companions at the border with some horses?

(Marcos has had to watch Soren idiot-ninja himself out of five different propositions this morning. Marcos is SO READY to be somewhere else for a few days).

Marcos does not notice the particularly devious smile on his king’s face when he kings his way out of the bathhouse. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize that every time I use the term 'elf-sandwich' I'm ACTUALLY talking about a Human-Sandwich. Because Callum is in the middle. Elf-wich is just so much more SATISFYING than human-wich, though...
> 
> IDK when I decided that Soren was going to get blamed for everything, but it's entertaining me so I'm going with it.
> 
> I've got a rehearsal to conduct this evening, so today's chapter was a little shorter than the others. Whoops.


	6. Ezran Isn't Getting Paid Enough for This & Gay Elf Dads V. The Magical Marriage Lake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I feel like the title of this chapter says it all.

Junayd thought he was mentally prepared for lava.

JUNAYD IS IN FACT NOT MENTALLY PREPARED FOR LAVA. THE MOONSTONE PATH IS A NIGHTMARE OF FIRE AND LAVA AND NOT-NICENESS.

Junayd wonders whether having such an impossible-to-cross border didn’t encourage humans to use MORE dark magic just to get across it. The whole thing seems like a terrible idea in retrospect. Like, here are these people who can’t (or COULDN’T) use magic, but have grown up around people who can and DID help them out with magic. And when one of them figures out a (admittedly HORRIBLE) way for humans to DO magic their entire species gets tossed out and sealed off on behind a LAVA RIVER that elves and dragons can easily cross but humans can’t without GETTING BETTER AT THE WHOLE DARK MAGIC THING WE WANTED THEM TO STOP IN THE FIRST PLACE. Humans who have, up to this point, been able to depend on their elven neighbors for things like healing and good harvests and magical crafting; are FORCED to turn to dark magic and spread its use because they have no other options, and the LAVA-BORDER is a pretty clear statement that Xadia isn’t willing to negotiate favorably or offer to help them. 

AND DEBATING THE UNFAIRNESS OF THAT ENTIRE EXCHANGE MAKES JUNAYD FEEL INCREDIBLY VALIDATED IN HIS DISLIKE OF THIS LAVA RIVER.

At least the Moonstone Path requires travelers to RUN. 

STILL.

Callum also hates the moonstone path, but largely because Rayla talked him out of flying across by pointing out that the air above the border is probably REALLY disturbed because of the whole LAVA thing, and that making a mistake would be PRETTY MUCH IMMEDIATELY DEADLY. 

Callum acknowledges that point. It doesn’t mean he likes running any more than he did back when Soren used to make him do it as part of his training.

FORTUNATELY the moonstone path isn’t very long, because Junayd is really starting to look a little pale there; and Callum’s going to have bruises on his butt from where his satchel keeps knocking against it while he runs (it’s heavier than usual because he put his sketchbook away in it just to be safe). 

ANYWAY,

They get to the Katolis side of the border and take a minute to catch their collective breath (well, not Rayla. Because assassins do LOTS OF RUNNING). And run into Marcos pretty much immediately. Marcos who is SUDDENLY REMINDED THAT THE ELF HIS PRINCE IS DATING NEARLY SLIT HIS THROAT ONCE.

Rayla: *laughs awkwardly* What’s up?

Callum: *Faceplams*

Marcos is deemed among the numbers of acceptable humans for having brought both food and horses. Horses mean that they can make for the narrowest bit of Katolis Bay (does this feature have a name? I couldn’t find one, which is odd because it’s SO BIG), which means less time on a boat. Rayla is very okay with this state of affairs, even if horses are considerably smellier and less durable than her dads’ Xadian mounts.

They ride (Junayd very poorly because he’s never been in a saddle before) for a bit to get away from the border and it’s too-hot-lava-smell. Junayd is gradually getting over his lava-trauma and asking Callum questions about the plants they’re passing (poor Callum knows very little about most of the ones that aren’t edible).

It’s not until they start setting up camp that Marcos realizes (with horror) that he’s a fourth wheel on a trip with three teenagers who are dating each other.

Ezran is SO not getting dessert for a week when he gets back.

Fortunately, these particular teenagers are less about the kissy-noises and more of the braid-each-other’s (Junayd’s) hair-and-hold-hands variety. Which is pretty adorable, even if one of them is a terrifying assassin.

Their cuddling is also very adorable. Marcos is amused by the picture they make. His prince really is kinda short. Marcos goes to sleep and definitely doesn’t think about how chilly it is on his own in his tent.

THE NEXT MORNING

His charge’s participation in King Ezran’s latest attempt to set him up with Soren is honestly something Marcos should have seen coming. This latest plan seems a bit… unorthodox. And also like an abuse of diplomatic communication channels; because HOW ELSE DID KING EZRAN COMMUNICATE HIS MEASUREMENTS TO HIS BROTHER SO THAT THIS COULD BE PURCHASED?

Callum just shrugs and points out that drastic measures were needed to make Soren realize that he’s been essentially dating Marcos for the past ten years (since they were in junior knight training together).

And just HOW does Prince Callum know that some tight pants and a weird shirt are going to accomplish that?

Callum goes bright red and his terrifying assassin girlfriend starts laughing. The tall one just shrugs at him and ALSO BLUSHES. Marcos regards the small pile of elven clothing with renewed trepidation. Elves don’t practice dark magic, he reminds himself; and is TOTALLY NOT REASSURED BY THIS KNOWLEDGE.

* * *

MEANWHILE, IN KATOLIS CASTLE:

Ezran goes over the preparations for his brother’s arrival with the Captain of the Crownguard. Said captain is, unfortunately, Soren. Soren, who, despite being DIRECTLY QUESTIONED ON THE MATTER a few weeks ago, seems COMPLETELY SURPRISED that Prince Callum is dating TWO elves, one of them male.

Ezran is FAIRLY SURE that he showed Callum’s drawing to EVERYONE even slightly important at this point (Aanaya’s dad said they looked very happy together), which INCLUDES the captain of his Crownguard who will be EXPECTED TO RECOGNIZE THEM ON SIGHT. 

Soren thought Callum was just dating the assassin; and that the other guy was just a friend. And he DOES recognize them, thank you very much! His dad isn’t around to pull strings for him anymore; he’s still got his job because he’s GOOD at it…

Wait…

DOES THIS MEAN SOREN IS ALSO ALLOWED TO DATE DUDES?

Ezran is TWELVE. Ezran should not be answering this question for someone ten years his senior. Dear god, did Viren even TRY to explain ANYTHING to his son? Should he delegate this to Opeli? She did a much better job of explaining how exactly succession works than any of his OTHER advisors (looking at YOU, minister of education). He’ll have to think about it for a bit; but he needs something to say to Soren NOW…

“IDK, but Aunt Amaya says to always ask first and use lubrication.”

(Ezran hopes MARCOS has some idea of how things are supposed to work. HE doesn’t. It’s not like gay sex has much place in discussions of succession, after all).

* * *

NOTE:

I was first given ‘the Talk’ when I was about ten years old (in fourth grade science class), and then every year after that in various health classes until I was I think fifteen or so. Ezran is the last remaining blood-member of a royal family (that we know of), so I imagine one of the VERY FIRST THINGS his advisors/regent talked with him about was succession. Jury’s out over whether Harrow would have already had this talk with him; though the way I’ve written him the answer is likely ‘not.’ There’s no reason to think that securing the line of succession isn’t a duty that Ezran takes very seriously, even if the actual, you know, FULFILLMENT of that duty is some years away (although probably not as many years as we would be comfortable with). 

The point is this: Ezran KNOWS what sex is. He KNOWS that as king he’s expected to have it with someone who can get pregnant (even if he marries another non-uterus-haver) until he produces an heir. 

This does not mean he has any idea how to explain sexuality to a twenty-something.

* * *

ON THE ROAD (OH, RAYLA REALLY WISHES THEY WERE ON A ROAD RIGHT NOW):

Katolis bay is evil and Rayla hates it.

Why did this perfectly nice kingdom have to have this giant WATER-TRAP down the middle of it? What purpose does it serve besides making her life miserable?

(Callum has a lot of things to say about facilitating trade and fisheries and climate regulation, but those are all just EXCUSES. Also, he can fly and doesn’t even HAVE to be on this damn boat if he doesn’t want to).

At least having horses means the can cross the Great and Horrible Dampness at its narrowest point without it taking forever.

At least JUNAYD is sympathetic, even if it’s only because there aren’t any plants he can talk to here. Callum is excited about all the wind that’s happening and is terrible at hiding it, although he gets points for trying. 

FORTUNATELY, THIS PART OF THEIR JOURNEY ONLY TAKES A DAY, AND THEY ARE NOT REQUIRED TO SLEEP ON BOARD; THUS SPARING EVERYONE FROM DEATH BY DISGRUNTLED HYDROPHOBIC ASSASSINS.

She’s so relieved to be on land again that she doesn’t even notice the two figures following them through the forest as they set out for the Moon Nexus the next day.

(Marcos is a bit apprehensive about traveling through a caldera that’s supposed to be SUPER CURSED, but APPARENTLY the prince and his girlfriend have done it before and are SUPER SURE it’s not actually dangerous as long as he sticks with them. If he dies he decides he’s going to haunt Soren forever and torment him by sharing all the VERY EXPLICIT THINGS he’s heard people talk about doing to/with him over the years).

They have to travel southwest for a few days to even get near the damn thing, because APPARENTLY this particular elf assassin has a THING about water. Marcos continues to be VERY THANKFUL that these teenagers are not obnoxiously physical about their relationship; even if the way both Prince Callum and Rayla indulge their giant and apparently plant-obsessed partner is slowing them down considerably. Although watching Rayla say no to this guy’s sad-face is arguably more terrifying than that time with the knives.

(The way they have to drag him away from wildflowers by the side of the road ABSOLUTELY DOES NOT remind him of the way he always has to drag Soren away from that one shop near the city gates that sells exercise equipment. Nope).

* * *

MEANWHILE, AT THE HEADQUARTERS OF THE STANDING BATTALION:

> _Dear Aunt Amaya,_
> 
> _Callum’s coming back!_
> 
> _He and his girlfriend and their boyfriend are supposed to get here by the end of September. ~~I hope you can take some time off to come visit when they get here.~~_
> 
> _Opeli just reminded me that I’m the King and I can GIVE you time off to come visit! Which I have! And Gren too, because Gren’s nice._
> 
> _Opeli is ALSO reminding me that I’m the King and can make that an order, but you’re my AUNT, so I don’t think I should. Dad didn’t do stuff like that._
> 
> _I hope you do come, though. I miss you!_
> 
> _Love,_
> 
> _~~Ezran~~ King Ezran_

* * *

AT THE MOON NEXUS:

They arrive at the Nexus on the day before the full moon. Lejeune’s illusions are still MILDLY TERRIFYING. Her cooking; ALSO TERRIFYING.

Rayla disappears to go meditate by (but VERY DEFINITELY NOT IN) the waters of the Nexus while Junayd drags Callum around to look at plants. 

(Callum and Junayd have done this before a few times, but it’s the first time it’s been shown in the plot. Basically, Callum will make a drawing of a plant that Junayd finds interesting, and then hand Junayd’s journal back to him so our Earthblood cinnamon roll can label its parts and list its properties and OCCASIONALLY jot down what are APPARENTLY plant-stories, but which both Callum and Rayla find COMPLETELY INCOMPREHENSIBLE. Callum figures it makes sense that plants don’t tell stories in ways that make sense to most people).

The plants in the Nexus apparently have some VERY INTERESTING stories to tell, because Junayd spends a LOT more time writing than he usually does. Callum fills up the spare time by drawing in his own sketchbook while he waits for Junayd to finish. He’s finished six different depictions of Junayd talking earnestly to various small plants by the time the moon starts to rise, and they break off to go find Rayla.

And THIS is when things nearly go pear-shaped, because SOMEHOW this leads to them nearly getting Moonshadow-married. 

* * *

NOTE:

Before Xadia was divided, Moonshadow elves would come and bathe together in the waters of the Moon Nexus on the full moon as the final, binding part of their marriage tradition (there was other stuff that they did first, including the exchanging of cuffs to be worn at the base of their horns; but everything else was SECONDARY to bathing in the waters together). Because entering the waters TOGETHER caused the marriage-ees’ energy flows to sync together PERMANENTLY; which had numerous advantages (seeing through each other’s illusions, always being able to TELL if someone’s using an illusion to impersonate your spouse, boosted magical capabilities, etc). Of course, not being able to GO there for a thousand years means most Moonshadow elves don’t KNOW about it; including Rayla. It’s commonly known that Moonshadow elves USED to get married at the Moon Nexus, but not WHY.

* * *

Basically, the three of them are sitting by the edge of the lake and watching the moon’s reflection when Callum suggests they take a dip (he’s all sweaty from hiking the crater walls with Junayd all afternoon). Junayd points out that the water’s probably still warm from the sun, and that he wouldn’t mind a swim either; and they’re ninety percent of the way to convincing Rayla to at least stand in the shallows when Lejeune appears from NOWHERE AND SCRUFFS CALLUM RIGHT AS HE’S ABOUT TO GET IN.

(Junayd is spared this indignity by virtue of being too tall; but gets a bit of a wedgie from where Lejeune grabbed the back of his belt).

Lejeune is like: Hey, I realize you kids are pretty serious, but aren’t you a little YOUNG to be tying the knot like that?

(‘Tying the know’ being a reference to the tradition of binding a silver cord around the wrists of couples before they entered the Nexus. A tradition that DOES persist, which clues Rayla and Junayd in on the fact that there’s something about this place that they don’t know).

*Cue explanation of their near miss*

Teenagers are suitably horrified about said near miss. BUT ALSO VERY ANXIOUS TO MAKE IT CLEAR THAT IT’S NOT BECAUSE THE THOUGHT OF BEING MARRIED TO YOU IS HORRIFYING ITS JUST WAAAAAAAY TOO SOON FOR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. AND ALSO EZRAN WOULD NEVER LET US FORGET IT AND PROBABLY MAKE ME DO THE JERKFACE DANCE IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE KINGDOM + THE DRAGON QUEEN + RULERS OF NEIGHBORING KINGDOMS IF I DID.

Crisis averted (and the common trope of comical misunderstanding suitably subverted), someone finally thinks to ask LeJeune why she was all the way out here in the first place (because they’re way the hell around the other side of the caldera from where her home and the intact part of the structures are).

AT WHICH POINT RUNAAN APPEARS FROM FUCKING NOWHERE AND CAUSES EVERYONE BESIDES LEJEUNE TO NEARLY HAVE A HEART ATTACK WHILE ETHARI STARTS CACKLING FROM SOMEWHERE BEHIND HIM.

Turns out that the Gay Elf Dads were PLANNING to go to the Nexus ANYWAY for their anniversary (because Runaan’s a romantic sap that way), and have been FOLLOWING THEM ALL THE WAY FROM SILVERGROVE. Runaan would be giving his daughter his disappointed look for not noticing, but he’s trying too hard not to laugh to be able to pull it off properly. They arrived at Lejeune’s place about half an hour ago and were going to wait for the kids to get back from their walk to go and renew their vows or whatever; when Lejeune mentioned the crazy nexus-magic that marries people. 

Elf Dads both immediately realize that they need to locate their daughter immediately because there is no way with their luck these kids are going to escape being accidentally married without outside intervention.

Fast forward a few minutes, and Marcos is turning up because of all the shouting/general excitement. To find the elf that assassinated the king just chilling there with his husband. Because his life didn’t need to make sense anymore, apparently.

Runaan: Oh hey, the human my daughter spared that led to the deaths of the rest of my team and my imprisonment by a crazy dark mage!

Marcos: Hey, it’s the guy who killed our last king and wanted his daughter to kill his sons!

(Marcos and Runaan do not get along very well).

Awkward silence ensues for a moment before Marcos mutters something about not getting paid enough for this and wanders off to their campsite again.

Ethari, once Marcos is out of earshot: Hey, so you mentioned something about people getting married here? I brought my husband; mind if we have a go?

Lejeune: Yeah sure, go right ahead.

Runaan, caught a little off guard: Uh, okay; let me just take off my boots-

And then Ethari grabs him by the arm and tips both of them into the lake because he’s chaotic good and taking off your boots before swimming in the magical marriage lake is for Disaster Gays like Runaan.

Rayla, pretending to wipe a tear from her eye: Such a beautiful wedding!

Elf dads flail around in the water for a bit, then finally surface, furiously making out. Teenagers recoil in horror at the sight of kissing parental figures. Clothes start coming off as teenagers beat a hasty retreat to the sound of Lejeune yelling at elf-dads for defiling the Nexus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wanted to take some time to sketch out what I THOUGHT was going to be the final chapter, but I just keep thinking of STUFF that has to happen. There's probably going to be at least one if not two more chapters of this nonsense before it's done.
> 
> Stupid Idea That Will Not Appear In This Fic:  
> Elves have six genders. Someone from all six would have to be present at conception to produce a baby capable of becoming an arch-mage; and all of them would be considered the parents. Even the one who's role is literally to just cheer everyone on.
> 
> Magical beings are weird. Why do they need to follow our rules?


	7. A Great Trying On of Elf-Pants & A Great Kissing of Boyfriends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marcos tries on the magical elf-trousers. Callum and Junayd experiment with kissing boys. Rayla supervises.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another shorter chapter to keep things self-contained.

They leave Rayla’s dads at the Moon Nexus, mostly because they seem to be enjoying their second honeymoon too much to actually get out of bed.

(Callum feels very sorry for Lejeune, because they are LOUD. He thought his face was going to melt off way back when Junayd and Rayla first started squishing him between them every night? He knows better now. It’s NOTHING compared to being squished between Junayd and Rayla while LISTENING TO RAYLA’S FATHER-FIGURES MAKE SEX NOISES AND GROSSLY FLIRT WITH EACH OTHER).

He’s also very glad that THEY didn’t go swimming last night. Callum has no idea if the Magical Marriage Lake works on people not tied to the Moon’s Arcanum, and he has no pressing need to find out.

(The way Rayla shouts “Bye Dads! Use protection!” As she swings herself into the saddle makes everyone else in their party twitch).

Fortunately, from this point on it’s all downhill to the lowlands that surround Katolis City; with nothing particularly dangerous or mystical in between. You know; except humans who haven’t seen a friendly elf in, like, a millennia. Rayla at least can hide under her hood and use illusions and some special compound she brought from home to hide her facial markings. 

Poor Junayd, on the other hand, is FAR too tall to be inconspicuous, has horns that give his head a REALLY WEIRD SHAPE under a hood, and the wrong color skin for Rayla’s concealer to hide his markings.

AND APPARENTLY EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT CALLUM LOOKS LIKE NOW? WHY THIS? He’s going to make Ezran do the jerkface dance for circulating his portrait. 

AND THE WORST PART:

Human innkeepers won’t give the three of them the same room. They either insist on putting him in with Marcos and then claiming there are no more free rooms (the more racist ones), or make Marcos and Junayd share (the romantically inclined ones); or put him in a room by himself while making the other three share (the social climbers).

They end up doing a lot of sneaking into each other’s rooms. Innkeepers reactions to this seem to be uniformly scandalized. Callum doesn’t know when the idea of being together with BOTH of them stopped being weird, but he’s starting to miss how little elves cared about their sleeping arrangements.

At least it’s cold enough in this part of the world that they’re not sleeping in their underthings anymore. Callum doesn’t really want to contemplate how poorly people would react to barging in on them like THAT (and WHY do innkeepers keep doing that? CALLUM DOES NOT APPRECIATE YOUR ATTENTIVENESS OR YOUR BREAKFAST IN BED WHEN IT’S DELIVERED WITHOUT KNOCKING). Several innkeepers are nearly skewered by startled elven assassins.

Callum is realizing that he’s gotten very used to Xadian hospitality and anonymity. And relationship standards. AND THEIR CLOTHING-SORCERY BECAUSE HE SERIOUSLY DOESN’T REMEMBER HIS REGULAR CLOTHES BEING THIS UNCOMFORTABLE? How did he ever make it all the way to the Storm Spire and then around the northern tip of Xadia wearing these?

SOME TIME LATER:

They arrive at the Banter Lodge, because screw staying at another roadside inn. Callum has a girlfriend and a boyfriend and wants to sleep in the same bed with them without various parties having to sneak into the room when people aren’t looking. 

There are still marks on the outside of the lodge from their fight with Amaya. Because people have been busy with other things.

Rayla: Lol remember when your aunt nearly strangled me to death? Good times.

Callum: Yeah, that wasn’t one of my better plans, I’ll admit.

Junayd, DEEPLY CONCERNED: ARE YOU GUYS OKAY? 

Marcos has nothing to say about this. Marcos is going to pretend he wasn’t standing around in the background when Callum’s terrible plan went south.

Junayd; even more concerned by the answer to his question: WHO IS THIS AUNT?

* * *

NOTE:

Janai is a queen now. Janai has LOTS OF QUEENLY DUTIES TO FULFILL. Janai is Queen Not-Appearing-In-This-Film. Amaya is looking forward to hearing about all the pompous advisors Janai is no doubt shouting at while she’s grumpy about not being able to go with her to see Amaya’s nephew.

* * *

THAT EVENING: THE EVENT WE’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR: 

A GREAT TRYING-ON OF ELF-PANTS

The teenagers corner Marcos after dinner (well, Callum and Rayla do, while Junayd stands a little to one side and generally looks supportive and slightly apologetic). And the cloth bundle that Marcos has been doing his VERY BEST TO FORGET ABOUT is THRUST UPON HIM.

And he’s about to shut himself in one of the bedrooms and just get things over with, when Prince Callum’s assassin-girlfriend makes a considering noise and starts rooting around in her bag for something. And whatever it is she’s looking for is making her grin like a SHARK; and Marcos is about to flee because he’s not too proud to admit he’s terrified of her, when she makes a noise of triumph and pulls something small and vibrantly-colored and SHINY(?) from her pack and beans it at him.

Whatever it is flutters through the air and lands on top of the pile of clothing in his hands. And Marcos goes BRIGHT FUCKING RED because this tiny scrap of fabric is supposed to be UNDERWEAR. HOW is this supposed to be underwear? It doesn’t even look like it’ll cover his butt properly? THERE IS NO WAY THAT MARCOS IS WILLING TO BELIEVE THIS IS STANDARD ELF-CLOTHING. THERE IS NO WAY THE CRAZY ASSASSINS WHO KILLED KING HARROW WERE WEARING ANYTHING LIKE THIS. 

WHY IS PRINCE CALLUM GIVING ME THAT SHEEPISH LOOK. WHY IS THE GIANT ONE SHRUGGING LIKE THAT? THERE IS NO WAY ANYONE COULD WALK FIVE YARDS IN THESE COMFORTABLY, LET ALONE FIVE MILES.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY’RE ENCHANTED?

WHY IS YOUR GIRLFRIEND LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT? 

(Rayla is going to get this human to wear that damn scrap of fabric if she has to sit in a full bathtub all night to make him do it. She’s GOING to break Soren’s brain in retaliation for all the annoyance and headaches his stupid ‘advice’ has caused. If the price for that is an all-night bath and the loss of Callum’s gag-birthday-present, then so be it).

FAST-FORWARD TEN MINUTES BECAUSE WE HAVE TO GIVE MARCOS TIME TO ABSOLUTELY MORTIFIED BY HIS APPEARANCE IN THE MIRROR AND CONTEMPLATE LOCKING HIMSELF IN THIS ROOM FOREVER:

Teenagers deem the effect to be perfect. Marcos wants to know why this shirt has no back. And basically no sides. Or sleeves. And how Callum and Junayd WALK in these pants, because they FEEL as tight as they LOOK.

Marcos really hopes the answer to this last question isn’t magic, because he has a very limited number of experiences with magic; and just about all of them involve Viren or Claudia, and were decidedly unpleasant.

* * *

Note:

Black magic has a FEEL to it that’s REALLY ICKY. Like, getting doused in dishwater after cleaning up a really greasy food kind of gross; that leaves your skin feeling slimy. Marcos is not weird for not wanting that anywhere near his bits.

* * *

Callum’s response to Marcos’ questions about the lack of fabric on his top half is to say that they’re all cut like that in the Skywing lands; and that Soren’s always looking at his back anyway so he probably likes it?

(Marcos can’t help but wonder if it’s his back or his BACK that Soren’t been staring at).

Junayd cements his place as Marcos’ favorite by not saying anything or looking like he’s trying not to laugh. 

* * *

Note:

My quick description of clothing:

It’s not like the clothes Callum’s picked up, or that we see the other skywing elves wear. The pants are trouser-sorcery that makes his legs look WAY longer then they actually are; and the SHIRT (if you can call it that), is this weird thing that hangs around his neck and down his front with his upper back exposed, cut so that it drapes down his sides until it comes together in the small of his back. It leaves his shoulders and arms completely uncovered, and fits loose enough that if he leans too far forward or to either side his chest becomes visible. Apparently skywing shirts ALL have the upper back exposed so they can use their WINGS without ripping them. 

Marcos thinks they’re having him on about the elf-underwear though. No way is something THAT SMALL actually comfortable.

* * *

THE PLAN:

Save the magical-elf-trousers reveal for later (because Marcos is supposed to wear his armor while on duty). Ask Soren if he wants to grab something to eat afterwards like they usually do. Take advantage of Soren’s extra-long post-duty bathing habits to change into Elf-things. Let significant-other-attractant properties of elf-pants work their magic. Step 3: Profit.

* * *

ALSO THAT EVENING:

Callum’s forgotten one important detail about the Banter Lodge; which is that the only double bed in the house is the one his PARENTS used.

Callum is trying VERY HARD not to wonder if Ezran was conceived in that bed.

There is no way that he’s sleeping in that bed with Junayd and Rayla. That is not a line in the sand he is willing to cross.

Operation Squishing Into Callum’s Childhood Bed is a go.

Except they’re supposed to finish their journey tomorrow and nobody feels like sleeping. Callum’s excited to see Ezran again, and also nervous because he’s not sure how you’re supposed to introduce your traveling-companion-turned-shared-boyfriend to your younger-brother-who-is-also-your-king in front of other people. Because in private this would be easy. Ezran will want to ride on Junayd’s shoulders. Junayd will cinnamon roll all over the place; and everything’ll be fine. 

Callum almost wishes Opeli was here, because SHE probably knows how it’s supposed to work without even having to look it up. 

He’s also, for SOME reason, keenly aware of the fact that he’s worrying about the etiquette of introducing his boyfriend as such to the powers that be instead of actually HAVING A CONVERSATION ABOUT HOW THEY’VE OBVIOUSLY PROGRESSED FROM ‘TRYING THIS OUT.’

And Callum isn’t really sure how they’re supposed to do that. Because he and Rayla kind of HAPPENED without loads of time to contemplate it. 

Callum gives up on trying to sleep and starts to slip out of bed (easier than normal, because Rayla’s already gone off to meditate on the roof); because if he can’t sleep he might as well DRAW to pass the time. Except his boyfriend is apparently ALSO not sleeping, and because he’s a concerned cinnamon roll he asks if Callum WANTS TO TALK ABOUT IT.

(Callum hasn’t had someone his own age ask him that question with any regularity before Junayd. Callum also has no practice in AVOIDING this question, which is very sad but not really the point here).

Callum: I think we’re boyfriends?

Junayd, puzzled: O-kay?

Callum understands Junayd’s confusion, because he’s not exactly sure when things went from ‘giving it a soft try’ to ‘we are boyfriends and I’m introducing you to my family.’ He’s also not sure how he feels about the fact that he DIDN’T NOTICE IT HAPPENING. He doesn’t know what he’d EXPECTED, but it wasn’t just for it to HAPPEN without him being aware of it.

Why is this so much more confusing with boys? Rayla just grabbed him by the scarf and kissed him and then they were dating.

Should he kiss JUNAYD now? Is that how this works?

(Junayd’s boyfriend is saying all of this out loud, which is very helpful because it means Junayd has some idea of how to help clear things up).

Junayd: I’d really LIKE to kiss you, if that’ll help?

Callum (completely derailed by Junayd’s words and operating on autopilot): Um, I think we’re supposed to, because I’d ALSO like to kiss you?

Junayd: Okay, come here. *cradles Callum’s face in his giant elf-hands and bends down (ugh, tall people) to kiss him.*

Rayla comes back through the window in time to witness her two boyfriends kissing. FINALLY. She can’t BELIEVE it’s taken them this long. Boys. She slips back out the window to let them have their moment without interruption because she is the kind and benevolent queen of this relationship. 

Marcos is sleeping the deep sleep of someone tired of putting up with teenage shenanigans and determined not to be involved in same for at least the next eight hours.

Callum WOULD be freaking out, but Junayd is VERY DISTRACTING, especially when he wraps his arms around Callum’s middle and hoists him into his lap so their faces are at a more even height. Being manhandled IS a thing he’s aware does THINGS to him because of his crazy-strong assassin girlfriend; but this is an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT KETTLE OF FISH.

CALLUM IS NOT SURE HOW HE’S SUPPOSED TO INTRODUCE JUNAYD IN FRONT OF THE COURT WHEN HIS BRAIN WILL BE REPLAYING THIS MOMENT IN PERFECT CLARITY FOR HIM FOR THE FORESEEABLE FUTURE. CURSE HIS STUPID BRAIN, BUT ALSO NOT BECAUSE THIS IS KIND OF AMAZING AND HE WANTS TO REMEMBER THIS FOREVER.

It’s just like kissing Rayla for the first time, except with considerably less frantic we-might-die-at-any-time-so-I’m-doing-this-NOW vibes. And Rayla doesn’t smell like flowers.

It occurs to him that they should probably go find her after they’re finished. Whenever they’re finished. Kissing Junayd is very nice and he’s not sure when he’s supposed to stop.

Of course, before he’s QUITE finished exploring this new aspect of their relationship, he’s once again squished in the middle of an elf-sandwich because there’s only so long Rayla can entertain herself with meditation while her boyfriends are kissing each other. She may be a superior being of stealth and badassery, but that doesn’t mean she wants to miss out on the boy-kissing going on inside. Rayla considers herself rather an expert at boy-kissing; and it’s clear these two amateurs could use a few pointers.

So now Callum is STILL kissing Junayd, just with Rayla giving directions in his ear the entire time. And those are her TEETH on his EAR. AGAIN. WHAT IS IT WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND AND HER UNNATURAL HUNGER FOR CARTILAGE?

HOW IS HE SUPPOSED TO GET TO SLEEP WITH ALL OF THIS GOING ON? They should DEFINITELY be sleeping. Callum will CERTAINLY bring this up as soon as he stops being so busy kissing elves. It might take a while; there’s two of them.


	8. In Which Something Like the End of This Story Occurs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callum and company FINALLY arrive at Katolis City (is that really what it's called? That particular alliteration is... not great). Ezran is an excited eleven-year-old! The veracity of claims about the properties of elven trousers are thoroughly confirmed (off-screen, for now).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, this took forever and is nowhere near as amazingly witty and silly as I would like it to be, but I've written myself into so many unexpected corners in the process that I would have a bruise on my forhead from running into them if this wasn't a metaphor.

TODAY IS THE DAY THEY ARRIVE AT KATOLIS CASTLE.

AAAAAAAAARGHHHHH!

Marcos has to wake the teenagers up because they’ve decided TODAY is the day they’re going to sleep in. 

(He uses a long stick to poke them with, because he doesn’t have a death wish. This turns out to be a good idea, because Rayla immediately lashes out with a knife and lops the end of the stick clean off).

Teenagers apparently had trouble getting to sleep. Sure. Marcos can has EYES. That’s DEFINITELY a hickey on the side of Prince Callum’s neck; and his right ear looks suspiciously like it’s got TEETH MARKS on it. 

Marcos rolls his eyes at them and goes to pack his stuff up and make breakfast.

Rayla cleaned herself up last night, so she gets to help Junayd do his hair. This takes longer than one would expect because he has a LOT of hair. And it’s got flowers growing in it, which makes braiding it SIGNIFICANTLY MORE COMPLICATED than braiding Runaan’s hair. Her task is not helped by the owner of the aforementioned complicated hair freaking out about meeting the King of Katolis, as if Ezran isn’t going to love him immediately and ask to ride on his shoulders.

This is somehow more terrifying for him than meeting Runaan and Ethari. Rayla’s not sure how her dads would feel about that. She IS sure that all the extra worrying is making the flowers MULTIPLY in a way that is both VERY ADORABLE and EXCEEDINGLY UNHELPFUL.

Callum is beginning to wish he’d taken that last innkeeper up on that offer of a haircut, because his hair is LONG now, but not long enough to tie back out of his face; which is just the worst. He also takes a moment to grumble about how uncomfortable human-pants are after the wonders of elven trouser-sorcery. If they weren’t trying to maximize the shock-factor of elf-pants on Marcos later he’d DEFINITELY be wearing his.

Rayla’s solution to panicking boyfriends is kisses. It’s super effective!

Breakfast is duly eaten, and after Marcos struggles into his armor (because he’s supposed to be IN UNIFORM when he arrives, even if riding with it on is the WORST), they set out for Katolis City without much fanfare.

* * *

MEANWHILE, IN KATOLIS CASTLE:

Ezran has suspended court for the day and badgers Soren into arranging the crownguard to escort him and Aunt Amaya to the city gates. Because he’s the king, there is a tasteful amount of fanfare. He still has to ride a horse even though it’s not that far because APPARENTLY kings aren’t supposed to be stomping around in the muddy streets. Even though the streets of Katolis City AREN’T muddy because they’re cobblestone. 

At least Fuzzbucket is good company. 

Aunt Amaya looks like she’s having a silent argument with Gren about whether she should have left her sword back at the castle. Ezran doesn’t quite understand WHY some of those words are being signed, but knowing his aunt they’re probably terrible jokes that Gren’s refusing to translate for the rest of them. A refusal that would probably mean more if Ezran and all members of the crownguard didn’t UNDERSTAND SIGN LANGUAGE.

Even SOREN picked it up. 

(Because once again, Soren is VERY DEDICATED to being good at his job. Learning sign language? Difficult, but not impossible with some help (thanks Marcos). General Amaya might not have liked his dad, and she’d been pretty iffy about Claudia as well; but she’d been all right with Soren. He’s had plenty of exposure over the years, and he’s picked a few things up).

They get to the city walls, and it’s still WAY too early for Callum et. al. to be arriving, so Ezran and Amaya join a few of the guards on the wall in a game of see-how-many-pebbles-you-can-toss-into-geoffrey’s-spare-helmet-your-majesty. Soren beats all of them at it; even when they move the helmet all the way down to the ground outside the walls. He shrugs and mumbles something about having a lot of free time when he was a little kid (read: Viren was busy with Claudia and didn’t bother to find anything for Soren to do unless he started actively breaking things. Soren spent a lot of time hanging out with the guards and playing this game before he was old enough to start training himself).

FINALLY, AFTER WHAT FEELS LIKE APPROXIMATELY 600,000,002 YEARS, A GROUP OF RIDERS EMERGE FROM THE WOODS IN THE DISTANCE.

Soren, trying to use a spyglass and keep Ezran from climbing up on the battlements at the same time: CALM DOWN EZRAN, IT MIGHT NOT BE THEM.

Ezran, totally ignoring Soren: THEY’RE HERE! THEY’RE HERE! AAAAAAAAHHHHH!

Amaya rolls her eyes and scruffs her nephew before he can pitch himself off the wall and slings him over her shoulder so they can get down without their pre-teen-king tripping on the stairs.

* * *

IT IS, IN FACT, CALLUM AND COMPANY.

And his boyfriend is HUGE! Like, Soren has to tilt his head back to make eye contact. And he has SO MUCH HAIR; AND LOOK THERE’S FLOWERS IN IT!

Callum introducing the aforementioned boyfriend: Ez, this is Junayd, my and Rayla’s boyfriend.

Ezran, bouncing up and down with excitement: Can I ride on your shoulders?

Junayd: Sure!

The resulting image is dangerously cute, and the Surgeon General warns that viewing it for too long may lead to diabetes. Junayd pulls a flower crown out of nowhere and passes it up to the tiny king riding on his shoulders.

(The crownguard are mildly perturbed. Except for Soren. Who’s too busy exchanging greetings with Marcos; who looks suspiciously red in the face).

Of course, all of Ezran’s earlier excitement caused a crowd of townspeople to congregate, all of whom are now gaping at Prince Callum and the two ELVES that he’s brought back with him from Xadia. Said elves are VERY AWARE OF GAWPING HUMANS and are also QUITE TIRED BECAUSE NONE OF THEM SLEPT PROPERLY LAST NIGHT.

* * *

They FINALLY make it back to the castle in time for lunch, by which point Callum and elves are becoming QUITE droopy. Junayd is properly introduced to Soren at this point (who was far too busy with Maros Crownguard things to say hello properly before. 

Soren just kind of…gapes up at him (their height difference is like, eight inches or something); and proceeds to say something COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE. At which point Rayla, acting on MONTHS of suppressed frustration; SMACKS him upside the head.

Rayla: Get your OWN boyfriend; this one is taken already.

Ezran, peering down from Junayd’s shoulders at Marcos standing to one side: *intense eyebrow wiggling* (Callum may or may not have slipped him a sketch of Marcos in his elf clothing).

Amaya just bursts out laughing because Soren’s FACE. It’s like he’s never considered that as an option before. And also because her nephew’s girlfriend takes one look at her and ducks behind their giant flower-crown-wearing boyfriend. Understandable.

Her nephew’s boyfriend is winning himself all kinds of brownie points by looking absolutely delighted to have Ezran riding on his shoulders. And by producing a flower from somewhere behind his ear to present her when he introduces himself. 

Marcos immediately resumes his Soren Idiocy Prevention duties, and drags his best friend away before he can cause an international incident. AND VERY CAREFULLY NOT THINKING ABOUT THE BUNDLE OF TIGHTLY-FITTED CLOTHING IN THE BOTTOM OF HIS SADDLE BAGS. NOPE.

Opeli: Takes one look at exhausted Prince Callum and just-barely-presentable elves and immediately despairs of getting the official court introduction done today. Callum and his elf paramours are politely shooed off in the direction of Callum’s chambers (the new ones that overlook the palace gardens) and Ezran pouts his way off to lunch with the minister of education. Opeli does nothing about Amaya. Amaya will do whatever she wants. 

* * *

  
Callum, to his embarrassment, has to ask for directions to his new chambers because he has no idea where they are. The guards very carefully don’t find this amusing. Rayla makes no attempt to hide how funny she finds this.

And then he opens the door and facepalms, because Ezran might have gone a little crazy when setting this room up, and the bed looks like it could sleep seven people comfortably.

(Junayd is DELIGHTED because FINALLY, a bed big enough that he can stretch out and not be hanging over the sides)!

*Graphic Depictions of Napping go here*

* * *

It’s nearly dinnertime when they finally start unpacking their stuff to see if any of it is in good enough shape to wear. Which is the point at which Ethari’s hidden cargo is discovered. And Callum flips out, much to the bafflement of Rayla and Junayd, who can’t see why their human boyfriend is having such a strong reaction to a couple of rings in a box. Look there’s even a note!

> _Hey kids!_
> 
> _I made these up for you guys to keep nightmares away._
> 
> _Remember, codependency is bad! Sleep in different beds occasionally!_
> 
> _—Ethari_

Rayla: Oh, cool. Thanks dad.

Junayd, still concerned about Callum’s freak-out: Hey, it’s fine. They’re just rings, Cal.

Callum; BRIGHT RED BECAUSE HE IS NOT PREPARED TO EXPLAIN THIS: ITHOUGHTHEYWEREENGAGEMENTRINGS.

Cue a VERY AWKWARD explanation of the human custom of exchanging rings during/before marriage. Of course, because things never make sense, the thing his boyfriend and girlfriend can’t get their minds around is they BUYING of the rings. Because apparently in Xadia marriage bands (worn around the base of the horns) have to be made by your own hand to count. Hence why Runaan’s have so much intricate filigree, while Ethari’s just have a few inset gemstones (Runaan’s not exactly a silversmith, after all).

Rayla, slipping enchanted ring on her (middle) finger: There, now that’s all cleared up, let’s go find dinner. I’m starving.

Junayd, doing the same: Same. 

Callum is still panicking because people are going to NOTICE if they all walk into the great hall wearing matching rings, even if it’s now been established that they’re DEFINITELY NOT ENGAGEMENT RINGS. People like Opeli, who will probably want to lecture him about rushing into things and princely duties and expectations.

Callum does not manage to articulate any of these things before Rayla slips the damn thing on his finger and tugs him out the door to his doom.

And of course, the SECOND they walk into the great hall, Ezran looks up from his dinner and NEARLY CHOKES ON A BRUSSELS SPROUT. 

EVERYONE LOOKS AT THEM. 

Callum desperately wants to flee the room and the castle and possibly the human lands entirely so he can avoid the lecture he can SEE bearing down on him. He attempts damage control. Shouting ensues.

Callum: THEY’RE NOT THOSE KIND OF RINGS GUYS

Rayla: Huh. They really did notice. 

Ezran: CALLUM WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT GETTING MARRIED BEFORE YOU GOT BACK?

Callum: WE DID NOT GET MARRIED. OR ENGAGED.

Opeli: The RINGS?

Rayla: DA MADE THEM FOR US. 

Opeli: THAT CLEARS UP ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

(Junayd is just keeping his mouth shut and hoping that no one will notice him).

Callum: CAN WE STOP SHOUTING?

At this moment the door behind them bangs open, and a disheveled Marcos wearing his elven clothing stumbles in; hair sticking up in every direction, dazed look on his face, and MASSIVE HICKEY on the side of his neck. All shouting immediately ceases at this new distraction.

Marcos, pointing at Callum: You were not kidding about the elven trouser-sorcery. 

Everybody except teenagers and Ezran: WTF?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I toyed with about a dozen different ways to extend the ending of this some more for you guys, but none of them were even half as satisfying or humorous as this one. I DO have some snippets of the scene that CAUSED Marcos' disheveled state, so you might see that at some point if I manage to finish it ever.
> 
> REGARDLESS!
> 
> I had a great deal of fun writing this (largely because I refused to take it seriously). Anyone feeling like they'd like to take a crack at turning this into a proper fic you are most welcome to do so (and to badger me with questions/thoughts about it). I never intended this to be a complete/finished work; but rather the outline of something I don't have the ability to write myself. I'd ask that people wanting to lift ideas or scenes from this cite it, but otherwise feel free to have fun with it's building blocks!
> 
> Also, a note that I have also written a much more... polished series of short vignettes centered around Runaan and Ethari called 'Poetry of the Moon's Light' that I would link here if I could figure out how to put proper hyperlinks in the notes. I'm currently working on another installment that picks apart my ideas for the early stages of their acquaintance because I disagree with about 98% of what I've read about how they met/got together and I wanted to put it out there for you. It'll be called 'Calamus,' and the first chapter is called 'O You Whom I Often and Silently Come.' Look up the title on Google (it's a poem) for a general idea of what I'm going for.
> 
> Thanks for reading, and special thanks for people who commented, because you're a big part of how I managed to finish this.


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